Forum Etiquette

John, it is very difficult to be the "authority" in an emotional, contentious situation. I work in a public library, and find myself called on to enforce rules and settle disputes between patrons, which I hate to do. I get called names (and once physically threatened). I didn't expect that when I took the job! You, I am sure, did not volunteer to keep the forum running, just to become an enforcer of rules.

You stated your boundaries. You were calm, and offered alternatives. You offered to set up a special thread for earthtoangels to discuss her grievances. You are doing that, right now, for others. You are sorry for the outcome. You are hurt by all the hurt feelings on all sides. I don't criticize your actions at all!

If there are alternatives, this is a good place to discuss them. Thank you.

[Edited to add] Before I posted, you came to a decision, John. I hope it brings peace!

 

I appreciate what you do. It is no easy task. Things have been getting heated for awhile now between members. I've watched it with grave concern because I could see the tone of the discourse become increasingly ugly. I think members of the forum have to understand that the moderators do their jobs as volunteers to help Padraig. That a huge squabble has to be dealt with for the sake of the whole forum. This is not a "take sides" issue. This is an issue of being sensitive to others and spiritually aware of the dangers of the spirit of divisiveness who is running rough shod over the world just now. I've seen prayer groups broken up over this in past years. And so often it comes down to resistance to authority. Whether from a prayer group leader or a priest or bishop or a moderator exerting the authority given to him to restore order or provide guidance. Kicking against the goad is very human. But very unfortunate too and as much as I have appreciated Eta's posts on Church and world events she does not like being contradicted. John (Quis)was doing his job and he warned her. Serious warnings. Apparently on several occasions. It is most unfortunate but blaming the moderator for stepping up to control something that was rapidly getting out of control is just wrong. There is an old maxim I heard once that fits here and all passionate posters might keep in mind including myself: "i would rather be in right relationship than be right"
Many fine groups and marriages and friendships have been destroyed by the need to be right and to have the last word. I'm sad about people leaving the forum but John (Quis)is on solid ground in addressing this issue. I thank him for giving his time to a very thankless job. God bless everyone here.

 

Oh John I am so sorry to hear this. Doing the right thing these days comes at a terrible cost. I dont blame you one bit. Thank you so much for your dedication to the forum.

 

Well

Well said Christy. Well said.

 

As someone brand new, I have no dog in the fight.

ETA's posts were toxic. She was promoting a manifestly false mystic which opens folks up to demons and the worst vices. I am just here probably briefly and am grateful for all the discussions.

Quis was just doing his job. With ETA back I expect a lot more.

That said, it can be very difficult to be cordial on social media. It is not at all the same as being in person. It's easy to assume malice when there is none and it's much more difficult to carry an argument successfully. It's nothing like being in person.

 

Thank you John for all you do.

I'm afraid it's a case Moderating that whatever you do is never right with some. Thank you so much for all you've done and are doing.

 

I remember years ago a wonderful lady from California emailed me asked my why I didn't just throw people off the forum right away as soon as they caused trouble, that it is my forum and I could do what I liked and just to ignore people who complained or throw them off as well.

Well it is Our Lady's Forum and she is a Mother and very kind and gentle. I don't know I find I always pray a lot before I throw someone off and very,very rarely do so. I think I have not banned more than 3 or 4 people all the years the forum has been running.

It's hard to know sometimes. But I'll keep on praying and asking Our Lady to help, she is the best Moderator of all.

Perhaps I do need to toughen up a lot. I'll pray about it. (It occurs to me that there have been several instances when I might have been kicked of myself)

Anyway away camping again, God Bless!!

 

“I would rather be in right relationship than be right.”
Amen.

 

If someone would like to volunteer to be a Moderator please PM me

It's a thankless nasty task I know, rather like being an internet police person. But do it for Our Blessed Lady and I'm sure she make you rich in graces, it's her forum and she'll pay you back for the grief.

You'll need a tough hide I admit.

 

Go on AED, you would make a good moderator. Julia is a slow reader and would not be any good for a job like that.

 

I am a tech ZERO. I cant even provide links to posts. The forum would never recover.

 

I am sorry you have decided to stop your moderator role. Thank you for your dedication.

I thought EtoA might get a time out and then allowed back after a cool off. We all have days when we get hot under the collar and it must be a headache for those who moderate for the forum. God bless you and your family, and reward you for your ongoing support in the technical area.

 

It’s not easy to take care of a bunch of unruly online family members - and I know I’ve been in the middle of it and caused you grief perhaps as much as anybody. It must be very draining. Thank you for all you do for us.

With that being said, good people with a good head on their shoulders is a blessing to us in these days. Perhaps after a break you can resume your moderator role as well? Very grateful to you John either way.

 

I have to say that the behaviour of 99% folks on the forum is wonderful 99% of the time.
Why is this?

Because we love Our Blessed Lady.

Compare this to many Secular Forums which are Perpetual Boxing Matches

There really is mostly a huge fraternal charity and good manners, so thank you for that and your prayers.

 

Why would you stop posting John? You have a voice and a right to have it heard. The forum is richer because of each and every member. Confrontational people also have value they make us reconsider.However personal attacks on individuals must never be tolerated