God’s Gaze “Don’t you feel full of Me? Don’t you see how your physical trials drew Me to you? And your heartbeats that you were able to count tonight—didn’t My own heart beat to the same rhythm? ‘ It’s His heart,’ you thought. And right away your faith was enriched and your soul became like a watered garden. You forgot everything so that you might think only of our oneness. Bossis, Gabrielle. He and I (p. 208). Pauline Books and Media. Kindle Edition. The difficulty with existing is that we stand out; apart, we have boundaries and an inner life hidden from others. What is within us, our emotions, our struggles as powerful as they are, remains hidden from others. In a crowd, we can still feel lonely, invisible even. With loneliness comes an inner cold, as if we may never feel the warmth of the love of another who can truly see us, and yet, accept us. We can often lack the language to express ourselves to others, and this feeling of being misunderstood can be discouraging. Some people shut down and give up seeking to reach out. I suppose at one time or another most of us have felt this. No human being can see that deeply into another, so in many ways, we can all fail one another in our relationships. We can even betray our loved one’s and not really know that we have done so. It is a terrible thing to allow bitterness and anger to control us and keep us imprisoned within ourselves. We can often be our own wardens when we imprison ourselves out of fear and anger. Yes, it is very hard to break free. I find it amazing that people who say that they believe in God, do not actually develop a relationship with the Infinite. To open one’s heart to the gaze of God can be a very important first step to inner healing. Also finding a good, wise, God-orientated book can be a help, for the soul needs to be fed, and good reading does that. If we do not read, or listen to some outside source, all we have is a cycle of fearful and angry tapes, voices, and inner pictures that only would cost us more. We can, in a very dangerous way, become infallible in our judgments. The daily reading of Scripture and a discipline of prayer is essential to open up one’s heart on a deeper level each day to God’s grace and leading. I always encourage those who have not read the bible much and do not know it, to start by reading the 1st letter of John. A powerful teaching on Jesus, and how important it is to love and show mercy to all. For we are called to reach out and to love others, and that includes praying for them. Another Epistle I recommend is 1st Peter. A good start to learning to love the Word of God. The love of God for each of us is Infinite. Life is hard, God is with us but will strengthen us to get through what we need to face. We are not pampered, but bitterness, anger, and yes, self-pity is not the way to go, unless one wants to increase suffering. To pray every day from the heart will slowly make our fearful, wounded hearts more human, open, and forgiving. Yes, it is impossible on our own, but God’s grace works deeply, and over time we will see the truth of the power of God's Word, and the reality of God’s love for us. Prayer is a necessity, read scripture in order to feed the soul, and good books that can lead you to a deeper understanding of God’s love for you. Perhaps the hardest, finding a community. It is hard because we must deal with others, and in doing that we learn patience, and mercy, as well as growing in self-knowledge. It is good to know that our inner opinions are not infallible. Especially our judgments of others. Never give up. I know how easy it is to just let go, but trust is important and a choice. To trust allows each of us to swim against the current of our own self-hatred, and to not trust our inner emotional state, but to simply trust, and allow grace to do its work. Just show up. Well, that is what I have learned over many decades, and am still learning this. Each day is a new beginning, and we are always at the start of our journey. It is an eternal journey.-Br.MD
My favorite passages from 1John: 1:1 That which was from the beginning, which we have heard, which we have seen with our eyes, which we have looked upon and touched with our hands, concerning the word of life— 2 the life was made manifest, and we saw it, and testify to it, and proclaim to you the eternal life which was with the Father and was made manifest to us— 3 that which we have seen and heard we proclaim also to you, so that you may have fellowship with us; and our fellowship is with the Father and with his Son Jesus Christ. 4 And we are writing this that our joy may be complete. 4:7 Beloved, let us love one another; for love is of God, and he who loves is born of God and knows God. 8 He who does not love does not know God; for God is love. 9 In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. 10 In this is love, not that we loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the expiation for our sins. 11 Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. 12 No man has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us.
