Brian, it’s not about believing in the modern annulment process. There are only two or three conditions that, if not met, automatically invalidate that marriage. Your marriage is or is not valid. It could conceivably be an invalid marriage. The Tribunal could examine the details present at the contracting of your marriage and rule if it’s valid or invalid. The criteria for an invalid marriage are online. The criteria are based on canon law. There is no reason not to trust.
I’m pretty sure if I applied for an annulment I could get one, in the current annulment process, whether I met the pre VII criteria or not. It’s not the reality that some marriages are truly null that I don’t trust. I do. It's the modern American annulment mill that gives them out like candy that I don’t trust. Also, you can’t file for an annulment unless your divorce is already complete. This puts the cart before the horse. I wouldn’t even apply for a divorce UNLESS I knew my marriage was null.
Well, I’m not going to tell you what to do. That’s your personal decision. But I don’t think you are correct in your perception of the Marriage Tribunal giving out annulments like candy. Criteria have to be met. I think you could discern a great deal about whether or not your marriage is invalid just by reading the literature. It’s based on the actual contracting of the marriage and Canon Law.
Thanks Brian for sharing on a personal level. Very beautiful. I am blessed in that while in youth and early adulthood, our family did not often say “love you”. But, when I got married - my father in law- a big giant of a man- would bear hug you and unashamedly said I love you. He taught me in his actions which I then started with my own parents. I’m grateful my Parents were around for several years for all of us to express our love for each other. And now with my own kids and grandkids , the day does not typically end without an I love you (even when we may be unhappy with one or another). I received this beautiful blog today from my friend Fr. Steve. Very timely in thinking about the true nature of love. Corinthians Chapter 13 The Wedding Reading By Fr. Steve Ryan, SDB I presided at a wedding two weeks ago. Guess what New Testament reading the couple chose? That’s right, the “Love is patient, Love is kind” reading that almost all of you have heard at many weddings you’ve attended. And you know what?... I never get tired of hearing it. It is a clear description of the attributes of self-sacrificial love. It’s a description of the type of unconditional love that’s required for marriage. It’s a practical breaking down for us of what it takes to really love on a daily basis. It’s a calling us forward to love more like God. God loves with all these attributes and is calling us to imitate His Love – particularly in marriage. Here it is again for you, 1 Corinthians 13:1-8: If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. Let’s do an examination of conscience and break it down a bit. Love is patient… This is so practical. If we truly love we will be more patient. Yet we fail at this so often! Why? Why is this simple virtue so hard for us? Maybe it’s because we want things our way and are selfish. We encounter problems whenever we think relationships or people ought to be the way we want them to be or when we always put ourselves at the center. When this happens, everything can make us impatient and we can end up acting passively aggressive. Tendencies toward perfectionism (for all of us who are Type A personalities) can exacerbate this. For all of us who strive for order, cleanliness and efficiency, we just don’t let go sometimes. We boil interiorly. And that’s when our inflexibility is noticeable, when the “better” becomes the enemy of the Good, when we get so stuck in our ways of doing things that we drive people away. We totally fail to see another’s perspective or circumstances and become impatient people. Reflect: Am I patient enough to always remember that just because life gets “messy”, it doesn’t mean everything is a disaster? Love is kind… Love is ready to be of assistance. Love is shown more by deeds than by words. Our credibility as a Christian depends on kindness. We win people over by kindness. Kindness doesn’t cost a lot. It can become our more natural response if we train ourselves. Reflect: Are you conscious of your opportunities to be kind to other people? Does it come naturally to you? Name little things you can do each day to be kind to others? Love is not jealous… True love values the other person’s achievements. It does not see him or her as a threat. Why are we so insecure? True love (holy love) is not insistent on me being at the center stage of all activity and conversations. I allow others to shine. Reflect: Where and when does jealousy block you from loving? Love is not boastful… Those who truly love not only refrain from speaking too much about themselves, but train themselves to be more focused on others. They do not need to be the center of attention. Reflect: God gave us two ears and one mouth for a reason… Love is not rude… Courtesy is “a school of sensitivity and disinterestedness” which requires a person to learn how to listen, to speak at certain times and to keep quiet at others. Reflect: Have you learned over the years to keep your mouth shut? Love is generous… The gift of our lives was given to us by God to share. Give it away! Stop holding back. True joy and peace come to a person when they give themselves away. Reflect: Where and when can I be more generous with time, talent, treasure? Love is not irritable or resentful… A violent reaction within, a hidden irritation that sets us on edge where others are concerned, as if they were troublesome or threatening – such interior hostility helps no one. Reflect: How can I work on overcoming irritation before letting hostility escalate… Maybe I ought to look at why I am “on edge” so often? Love forgives… When we have been offended or let down, forgiveness is necessary. The worst thing we can do is to “hold it in” for the rest of our lives. Unforgiving people get themselves into a bad rut and it shows (the old chip on the shoulder). Why not forgive quickly and forgive often? Why not forgive and forget? Reflect: Forgiveness is not always easy – but it’s the right thing to do and it’s worth it. Why is forgiveness worth it? Love rejoices with others… As members of community and members of the Body of Christ, we rejoice at the good of others when we see their dignity and value, their abilities and good works. This is impossible for those who are always comparing and competing. If we fail to learn how to rejoice in the well-being of others and focus primarily on our own needs – we are condemned to a joyless existence. Reflect: Why is jealousy so prevalent? Why is there so much comparing and contrasting? Love bears all things… Relationships are hard. Suck it up and keep quiet about another’s weakness or a crappy situation you find yourself in. Don’t whine! Married couples, joined by love, speak well of each other. They try to show their spouse’s good side, not their weakness. Reflect: Do we try to speak well of others? Are we whiners and complainers? Love endures all things… Love bears every trial with a positive attitude. Endurance involves the ability to tolerate aggravations. If I hit you and you hit me back and I hit you back, it goes on ad infinitum. Be the bigger person and stop the cycle of “tit for tat”. Reflect: Is your level of tolerance increasing or decreasing as you get older? Learning how to love and how to love more like Christ is our mission in life. Keep working on it!
You may find the original copy here which may be easier to print. Also allows you to sign up for (free) monthly updates from Fr. Steve. Peace https://mailchi.mp/mhctampa.org/usznrrla0n-789579?e=6a4c7f8198
