Sanctus, I woke up this morning thinking of you and my thought was that I should tell you what has worked for me and that is saying the rosary specifically the Apostles’ Creed. I think it will help you to meditate on this prayer alone when you are in despair and literally are being attacked by the evil one. I also wonder if you have a priest available to you who can reassure you when you have doubts. I think a good loving priest would be be able to help greatly, if not in person maybe by phone. May God bless you and yes, He loves you.
Thanks Carol. I feel better today thank God. I keep telling Jesus that I love Him. I feel Gods love sometimes too.
Hi Sanctus, On my daily walk, when I pray my rosaries, it occurred to me about two days ago that maybe you are being attacked by constant thoughts of worthlessness. By this I mean, if in your past as a child and/or teenager you may have been denigrated, belittled or made to feel segregated, and you are constantly reliving these events or they are placed before you, which in turn causes you to consider yourself as worthless. This can happen but there is a way out! I say this, because this happens to me, often. I had a pretty rough upbringing, where I doubted my mothers love (which believe it or not continues to this day even though my mother (aged 87) is well loved and is a beautiful person, however she still retains a way of dismissing me, I get a feeling that I am not good enough, and at times it feels like she is in a type of competition with me. I am sure she does not even realise what she is saying or doing that causes offense to me). The turmoil of my childhood years spilled over and embraced my adolescent years, which became a nightmare in many ways. At times these former sufferings are thrust before me, especially when I'm in prayer. I see the way good people treated me in my life and this causes me to wonder whether they were/are right, that is, that I must be a despicable person that deserves no love. However, it is wonderful that the Lord is allowing me to relive these sufferings, for behold I'm normally lead to deeply contemplate Our Lady's sufferings at these times and I cry with her. Additionally, I can also offer these sufferings anew! to join with Our lords sufferings especially those endured when he was denigrated and mocked when crowned with thorns. I join my meagre sufferings to Our Lady's immense sufferings (not just her seven sorrows) but even the sufferings she encountered as a child (when at the age of 3 she was placed in the court of young virgins and she was bullied by other young girls who were also placed there by their parents). I find that I agree with the consensus that I am unworthy of love, but this then turns into unimaginable joy as I continue to pray, as the great Mercy of God embraces my soul and I am left bereft of arguments. I will also say that sometimes He withholds this feeling of emersion in His mercy and so I am left to my nothingness, my worthlessness before God, however at these times I resort to an image I had of myself about 20 years ago where I see myself in the basement of Heaven looking after Our Lords dogs (of all things)! Please Lord, may I be good enough for this! to look after your dogs and other animals! God's love is beyond immense, you are much loved by the creator! Because He created you in your mothers womb and He was tortured and died for you! So Be not afraid! He will lead you. Go to prayer even when it becomes scary, let Him lead. God Bless
I opened up a prayer book on Padre Pio and it spoke about calvary and said "do not be worried that the cross you are carrying is taking so long."
Despite some of the very profound and significant experiences I've had on my reversion to Catholicism, most of the time I feel very normal and human and plain, my propensity for sins that I used to commit, and the sensitivity to that is different now, and my daily prayer life is always at the forefront of my mind. I wish I could live in the constant euphoria that I experienced during holy week and my confirmation earlier this year but I suppose that isn't realistic, life is ups and downs. I try to roll with life's punches and keep a habit of offering everything to Jesus on a daily basis, every joy and suffering, no matter how trivial it might seem to me. My experiences run the entire gamut from signal graces to feeling abandonment. Most of the time in adoration, I feel peacefulness, but not much else. I pray, I talk openly with the Lord, but it's usually a quiet time. Sometimes when I receive, it can be very emotional for me, other times it can be average. One time, during morning mass on 9/24 this year, after I recieved, I felt an interior thing that told me to be ready for the warning.....? Yes, God loves you, me and everyone, unconditionally. He wants our love from our own free will in return. God loves us more than we could even understand, and part of that love for us is respecting our free will. So part of this is His trusting in whether or not we will give our love freely to Him and respecting Him to keep His laws. What you are experiencing imo isn't much different than what a lot of people, and even especially saints have gone through. Somebody smarter than me said that being a Catholic when times are good is easy, being Catholic and thanking and loving God when times are difficult is a test. I try to always remember that we walk by faith, blessed is he who believes and has not seen. "Encourage souls to place great trust in My fathomless mercy. Let the weak, sinful soul have no fear to approach Me, for even if it had more sins than there are grains of sand in the world, all would be drowned in the immeasurable depths of My mercy. - Diary, 1059" When I read the above in Saint Faustina's diary, I cried like a little baby. I believe it completely. Our Lord doesn't mince words, but speaks honestly and plainly. As someone who didn't start actively going to confession until I was 49, I have forgotten a lot of things I have done to offend Him. So now I wish to love, respect Him and to keep His commandments as much as I can for the rest of my mortal time. Jesus would suffer it all, even if He could only save one person. I hope all of this helps and gives you some peace of mind and food for thought. I'll keep you in my Rosary intentions today.
Peter, I will share something with you which I hope might help, I was friends with a person whom I called a brother and my children called him uncle, he betrayed me pretty badly and in fact recently was speaking ill of me to the point of what he said could well have been detrimental to me and my family, I had cut all correspondence with him until today, His son met me and had told me that they might well be ill, The good Lord by the power of the Holy Spirit whispered in my ear and I contacted him asking if he whished to be blessed with the holy oils of St Charbel.. My point is if Jesus in all his glory can move me a pathetic creature to be compassionate and forgive how much much more does Jesus forgive his creation and further more FORGET...be strong brother learn to LOVE yourself as Jesus loves you.. God Bless John. Forgiveness is easy forgetting is the goal
I would say if He loves me and forgive me He could forgive anyone. Of course I have doubts at times, as of course anyone must have. But I must say looking at the Fruits of the Holy Spirit in my life they are very ,very good. Such Joy and Peace. Constant, constant joy and peace. I never had any of this before my conversion. The greatest proof and Sign of God's love is the Cross, the Passion. Look at the Cross, Meditate on the Passion. God did this for you. He did not do so in vain. God asks that we walk by Faith in this Life. Even it our steps are full of blood and we stagger and sway. Still we walk. We may fail in love, God never ever, fails. His Heart, pierced in on Fire with Love for us. On fire.
The little analogy that I use to think of the love of God - Human love is good - think of it as the heat and light of a candle whereas God's love is greater than the heat and light of the sun in comparison - People chase after the heat and light of the candle - they will do the most amazing things to chase after and capture the little light & heat of human love - Whereas the Love of God is all consuming and fulfils all the desires of the human heart - yet few seek this love - The analogy is imperfect since the love of God is infinitely greater than we could ever imagine.
Doubting God's forgiveness is a temptation you must not give into. It is a form of scrupulousness. In fact I would bind it in Jesus's Name and in the power of His Blood. And keep rebuking it. As often as necessary. God's love is not fickle. He never withdraws it. He never abandons His child. NEVER. We abandon Him sadly but He NEVER abandons us.
A saint like Padre Pio speaks from personal experience. Remember the accusations, restrictions, and animosities, he endured; yet God never left him - a great saint who endured much. Remember, Sanctus, feelings come and go, but Truth remains forever! To memorize meaningful verses will prove to be a great comfort and the truth therein will keep the devil at bay. Isaiah 54:For the mountains may depart and the hills be removed, but my steadfast love shall not depart from you, and my covenant of peace shall not be removed, says the Lord, who has compassion on you.
We do work out our Salvation in, 'Fear and Trembling', as St Paul says. I must say Christians, especially , 'Saved Christians', make me more than a little uneasy. They sound too cock sure of themselves. It seems to me that in this life we walk across something of a tightrope. The closer we cling to the Mercy of God the safer we are. But in order to cling to that Mercy we must know ourselves in need of it. One of the saddest things I ever met in my life concerned a guy called Jim, who was a Born Again Christian the Leader of the most wonderful little Protestant House Churches I ever saw. Full of young enthusiastic Christians. At the time I was an unbeliever but he invited me back and I was just so impressed. Jim was at the centre of it all. But I would say about 20 years later I met Jim on the street. So pleased to meet him. But Jim had totally, totally lost his Faith. I admit it frightened me a little. He seemed so sad and lost. Life really, really is a tightrope.
