Love is not about holding hands. I recommend the entire three volume set of Padre Pio's letters to his Spiritual Director. Very bracing. Read them back to front, upside down. Many times. Buckle down. The more you complain, the harder it will be. Buckle down.
Go to the dear Lord in the Tabernacle and complain to Him and Him alone. The more you complain, the worse it will get. But complain to the Eucharistic Lord to your heart's content.
I will pray for you Sanctus. I have been meaning to reply to your posts but have not got around to it. I don't know what stage of the spiritual life you are at but I noticed your doubting that God loves you. I am not sure if this is a 'dark night of the soul' for you or if there is still attachment to sin in your life, or indeed whether you are suffering from diabolic harassesment or obsession. Indeed it could also be a form of loneliness you are suffering. Don't forget also that God always chastises and disciplines his disciples. You crossed my mind during Eucharistic Adoration a few weeks ago. Then I picked up one of my books which I bring into Adoration; it a book called 'Come to Me in the Blessed Sacrament', by Fr. Vincent Martin Lucia. I read Psalm 118 and then the meditation on it, which starts with: Psalm 118 begins by giving thanks to God for His goodness because "His love endures for ever." The love God has for us is infinitely greater than our minds can fathom, our hearts desire, our intellects imagine. One quality of God's love is that it never changes. He is our unchangeable friend. Because of our fickle nature, we sometimes think that God's love for us is somehow different now than before. So much as happened in our lives. There are too many sins to count, too many times we have disappointed Him to remember. In spite of anything and everything, His love for each of us is as strong and tender now as the day we were born, and the moment we were baptised in the innocence of His Spirit. The reason I think this was a Word from the Lord, through me, for you Sanctus, is evident from the next sentence: The prayer we pray together at the Sanctus before the consecration at Mass is taken from the end of this psalm: "Blessed in the name of the Lord is he who comes." The Blessed Sacrament is the sign and the reality of God's permanent, unchangeable love for us. God so loved the world that He sent His only begotten Son. God continues to so love the world that He continues to send us His Son, Jesus, in the Holy Eucharist. To see the Sacred Host is to cherish the words of God speaking to you now: "I have loved you with an everlasting love, and constant is my affection for you." I also enclose a meditation on loneliness from the Divine Mercy App for you below, and attach prayers for self-deliverance which come from an exorcist priest in Ireland. Dealing with Loneliness Lord, I invite You into my heart. Come dwell there and reveal Your tender love. Help me to understand that You know and love me through and through. I give my heart to You, dear Lord. Jesus, I trust in You. Loneliness is a deep suffering that many endure. One reason it is so painful is that the lonely person obviously suffers alone with few people, if any, to help ease their hurt. If this were not the case, they would not be lonely. Interestingly, even those who are surrounded by others all day every day can be lonely. Even the most popular and outgoing person in the community can sometimes struggle with great loneliness. This may not be easily noticed because they often "wear a mask" covering the loneliness they experience. Loneliness is real and comes as a result of one particularly deep need we all have. And this is the need to be known by another. We want to be known and understood. We need people who will listen to us, care, understand and love us at our deepest core. Simply being popular or being surrounded by many people does not meet this need since the "popular" person may not truly have revealed what is inside to anyone. The best answer to loneliness is the intimate presence of God in your life. An authentic and deeply personal relationship with your Lord enables you to be at peace, knowing that God knows you, understands you and loves you. This gift also opens the door for you to find people to whom you can share your joys and struggles. Seek intimacy with the Lord. This is the greatest help to a lonely heart. Be honest today and ponder the question of loneliness in your own life. No matter if you are the life of the party or a quiet bystander, loneliness can affect everyone. Reflect, also, upon the fact that intimacy with our Lord is the primary cure. Look at your relationship with Him and open your heart to His love. http://bit.ly/2z2MhOw
They're very dear. But I take it this is the whole three volumes in one. They used to sell them separately which I thought was better: You'll probably pick them up second hand a lot cheaper: https://www.amazon.com/Secrets-Soul-Letters-Spiritual-Directors/dp/0819859478
Sooner or later in the Spiritual Life we pretty well all get round to doubting our eventual Salvation. For most Catholics however this is in the run up to death as Satan intervenes to tempt to despair. I am afraid I suspect the hoof of Satan here. Step up the Sacramentals! Most unusual. Sometimes the saints were tempted like this, but clearly this is extraordinary. Anyway I have been praying for a long time over this. But I am a little baffled. Maybe some kind of curse or spell? I don't know, but prayers anyway. My heart goes out to you. If God would permit it I would be very happy to bear this for you for while to take the strain off you for a while. But I asked and was told, 'No'.
Would these be the Letters of PP you were thinking of? I was wondering myself and came across this link....They are much longer than the one posted. (this group only ships within the USA) https://padrepio.com/product/letters-i-book/ https://padrepio.com/product/padre-pio-of-pietrelcina-letters-ii-book/ https://padrepio.com/product/letters-iii-padre-pio-of-pietrelcina/
Yes. The ones I got were leather bound, years and years ago. They were expensive too. But well worth it , if you're going through the Mill as I was at that time.
I prayed a novena of the long prayers in the attached Deliverance.pdf document above. I prayed them on my knees with a lighted blessed candle. I highly recommend them. Do not be surprised if you (I mean Sanctus) feel queasy or sick while praying them. I took that to be a good sign! I followed up with a novena to the 9 Choirs of Angels. I think it is also helpful to flee to the Blessed Virgin Mary, Refuge of sinners, so that the evil one, finding the place swept and tidy, does not return with legion spirits. So Consecration to the Blessed Virgin is recommended.
Maybe this could lift your spirit. My nan was the holiest person I have ever known, she was a daily communicant, prayed the rosary daily, loving to everyone and never spoke a bad word about anybody. When I was a little girl (if we were staying at Nan and Grandads over holy week), Nan would wake me up early on Easter morning before sun rise and both of us would stand at the east facing window. Nan said God makes the sun dance, on Easter Sunday morning; and low and behold we would watch the dancing rising sun together, and it did dance! I have over the ensuing years watched the rising sun on Easter Sunday morning and only once did it appear to dance, I think the Lord did this for my nanna! About six months before Nan died (March 1987, may she rest in peace, I was in my late 20's) she confided in me that she could not pray, she could not remember words and so forth, she was worried and sort of looking to me for answers. I had watched a beautiful documentary on Mother Theresa of Calcutta and remembered mothers very simple words about how we can pray when we don't have the words, so I told this to Nan and Nan asked me to write it down, which I did. This is that little prayer that you could pray too..... Oh Jesus in my Heart, I believe in your tender love for me. I Love You! That's it! so simple! God Bless, you are in my prayers
