Greggo, As I mentioned in another thread, we lost our little baby Christa (Christ's Child) at birth. Shortly after that year we lost my father -in-law and a year before my sister-in-law. How did my wife and I stay strong in our marriage and survive what God allowed us? There is nothing wrong in having extreme emotions of depression, anger, fear, deep sadness and not understanding the unknown. It is what we do about these feelings and how we react that makes all the difference! What did I do after many hard cries of pain? At my lowest moment in my life I came to the realization that there is nothing I can do on my own or anyone else can do to change my heart except our Lord Jesus who truly knows what pure suffering is. At that moment when I turned my heart over to Him a cloud was lifted and LOVE dwelt within me. It takes pure Trust and your hope will survive, your faith will deepen and your love all of a sudden reaches out to others who are also in pain. I'm not saying that you wont still hurt, but the hurt will be put forth for others by your love. How much deeper in love are you at this moment with your wife? Were you this close to compassion at your wedding? How has your heart changed are you reaching out for others? You sure have touched my heart! Continue to trust in Jesus! I think that is why I love the chaplet of design mercy. It deepens my love for the Lord and others who need me and my prayers. In the days, weeks and months ahead ask Jesus and yourself these question: Why Lord ? Where are you taking me? What is the purpose of my pain? What can I do with my pain for you Lord? How is all of this connecting me to my future with you Jesus and with my wife? Years may pass, but you will see how great our God is and what He has done for you. We do not know His ways, but place trust in Him who knows all. It took time for my wife and I to see all that Jesus did for us in our walk of life from making a retreat with Fr. Hardon and confession after many years, to making several marriage encounters and deepening weekends communicating on the topic of death and dying which was hard for us to discuss. Followed by the loss of our sister, father and our third child, to placing our trust in God again and try for another child even though the chances of losing another child again was 1 out of 100, to having a beautiful girl for our fourth daughter who is now a Sister with the community of St. John, who God used to help us grow in our love and faith and strengthening our family, and so much more as we look back at how God guided and directed our lives that we could not even fathom! One of the readings that I love to reflect on: 1 Corinthians 13:11-13 Now we are seeing a dim reflection in a mirror; but then we shall be seeing face to face. The knowledge that I have now is imperfect; but then I shall know as fully as I am known. Stay strong Greggo, in He whom your own strength lies. Trust in Him and give your love to others and you will know and see His almighty power! This I desire and this is what I pray for! Amen
Thank-you for your words of encouragement. I pray that our lost boy Ian, has met your lost girl Christa, as they wait to be reunited with us.
Peace to you and yours dear brother. I place Deanna in the Immaculate Heart, the Flame of Love. Holy Mary, Mother of God spread the effect of grace of Thy Flame of Love over Deanna and over the whole world, now and at the hour of our death. Amen.
Than know you Bernadette - things are progressing getting t the worse but I keep plugging along in prayer for Deanna and my son
I was brought to my knees by a cross this past 5 years Greg. My life was a mess and is still not right yet, although much better. I nearly despaired myself. I was stripped of all I had which forced me to trust in God for everything, including the roof over my head. What a test of faith for me, and a few old timers here on the forum can concur to my desperate posts for prayer and guidence as to what was happening...especially since I had never prayed so much in my life and was doing all the sacrements yet my life kept getting worse and nothing but silence and emptiness from above. It was like I was in a dark room with no windows or door and the walls were closing in on me. That is exactly how it felt and that was my life for quite some time. It seems to me you and your wife are experiencing your dark nights. And only the Lord knows why. I believe in my case it was to establish and then strenthen my faith and the same for my trust in Jesus. I believe I needed this for the tough times that are ahead. Just 2 things I can suggest to you is: Since I was getting no response from God during prayer, when I went to weekly adoration I would ask Jesus what he wanted to say to me today, and then open the hymn book to a random hymn and it would usually speak to my heart immediately. Even though there were over 300 pags of hymns and I truly did it randomly, I kept opening to the same ones. When I was very stressed, it was "Be Still My Soul", but the hymn I opened to 80% of the time (including about 4 weeks straight) was "How Firm a Foundation", which I believe was my answer as to why the situation was happening to me. I was actually trying very hard to not open to that, but it kept happening until about 3 weeks ago. Anway, it was my direct communication with Jesus. Many people do this with the Bible, there is no Bible in the pew at adoration, but there is a hymn book! When I consecrated myself to Mary, that helped me a great, great deal. The cross did not go away, but boy it sure seemed lighter. I think she taught me how to carry it. I'm not sure, but it helped a ton. I guess it kind of melted me a bit, turned me into clay so I could be more easily molded into who Jesus needs me to be. Before the consecration it was like a hammer and chisle. that's all I can add my brother...other than my prayers...which are with you!
PS, thank-you for sharing that. It's very comforting to know that most of us have the same questions about suffering. In my case, my suffering is mostly in my heart. It's very difficult first of all to lose a child. On top of it, it's very difficult watching your spouse deal with physical pain, and heartbreak, and anxiety day after day after day. Then when it's all multiplied by a circumstance that put her in an unfeeling, uncaring system, my patience, my faith, is tested to the limit. It's uncanny how everything kept happening for the worse. She has a horrible cough and chest cold now. And they won't even dispense a cough drop. I'm mad as hell. (sorry). I would just like to see her receive a gift from God. A big gift: that He would end her pain and allow her to feel what it's like not to be in pain all the time, for the time we have left. Then I want him to come and take us home, because although I love life, I hate my life, and I'm tired of the way things are down here. Come Jesus come!
RR, I appreciate your prayer so much...and of everyone else's too. What is it RR that you need prayers for?
Reading this thread today, the thought came to me that it isn't Deanna or Greggo that are the ones to 'benefit' from this suffering. Perhaps someone is sitting watching Deanna in prison and needs to see that faithful witness to Christ. I have never witnessing such powerful, prayerful rallying on this forum for any cause - Greggo I have benefited from your witnessing. Maybe you will have a conversation with someone some day, and mention the support you got here, and that will move their heart. Job didn't deserve what he got. There wasn't any lesson that he needed to be taught. But his staying faithful to God was a poke in the eye of the deceiver. Maybe Greggo, you and Deanna and poking him in the eye for the rest of us. Thank you. Eucharistic Adoration always helps me - I just go in and whinge. Also perhaps pray blessings on those who have contributed to this situation (persecutors) - Lord bless ????? and have mercy on Greggo and Deanna.
Kathy, thank-you for that...it's like you give me a shot in the arm. Often, I find that I'm ready to tackle another day in the morning, but by evening, some days, I've got nothin...it's then that I feel forgotten or ignored (that sounds so childish). Other times I feel strong, and try to see my complaints as minor, in such a momentous time. I'm all over the place!
I just thought of something else. When I was going through my terrible trial, a friend confessed that she offered a day up for me. "I'll never do that again!" she said. "I felt like I spent the day crawling on my belly. All I could do was lay on the couch!!!" Perhaps in your weakest moments, Jesus is lending your strength to Deanna, or some poor soul in the Middle East. Who knows how the divine economy works?
Greggo, Check the latest (8/24/14) Pelianito message, hang on, it will cheer you up. http://pelianito.stblogs.com/ Saved from my handwritten index cards, I thought of Deanna. Her constant pain is a "handicap." A revelation from Mary at Ephesus ~ comment on children who are handicapped: "We love them dear, Why, the reward for suffering is so great that even if you were told you wouldn't know. Your minds aren't meant to know. This life is no more than a short wave of the hand, with no more than a veil between." April, 1959
Praying right now for your son, RR, that Our Lord reaches out and gently touches him, and that whatever is hindering his path, that He takes it away, or helps him overcome the obstacle. God please bless RR and son.
I include in my rosary everyday members of this forum , their families and those for whom they pray. We are storming Heaven and Jesus and Mama hear us all.
Greggo, I suffered a dark night some years ago. My earthly life was falling apart and then the Lord withdrew. The only prayer I could pray and that without feeling was: “I trusted, even when I said, 'I am sorely afflicted.'” (Psalm 116:10) The darkness eventually was lifted, and quite suddenly too, praise God. My earthly circumstances did not change, in fact they got worse, but God was giving me the grace to believe in his nearness again, and that made all the difference. Upon reflection, I realized that I had learned a valuable lesson in trust that could not have been learned any other way. Trusting in God is not an easy lesson to learn since we can only learn it in darkness. It is one thing to trust him in time of consolation, but it is in the fire of desolation that our trust is put to the test and purified. It is in the furnace of affliction that our trust becomes truly credible. In our darkest hour, we are called to proclaim with the psalmist: Jesus, the very Prince of Peace, shows us what it means to live in total abandonment: "Father, if you are willing, take this cup away from me; still, not my will but yours be done." (Luke 22:42) He felt fully his distress, but he surrendered in complete trust to the will of his Father, even in his darkest moment. Charlie tells us that what we are enduring now is preparing us for what will come to the whole world. Let this lesson in trust and abandonment to the will of God not be lost. It may be the thing you will be most thankful for in the days ahead. Keep praying the psalm I quoted above. And above all (as I tell so many) pray, "Jesus I trust in you." Pray it until you mean it!!! May the merciful God lead us all into his holy and Divine Will.
