Yes! More prayers for Andy!! Alwyn if you are out there, I have been praying for you for many years now and will continue to do so, never failing. Somethings pierce the heart deeply
Andy...the great desolation is what I call it...it is hellish in its pain. May I be so bold as to inquire if you are on a antidepressant...if not may I suggest the drug Trazadone. It is given for sleep but is also effective for depression. If you wake up several times during the night it simply helps you stay asleep. It is a very effective drug...it has helped me immensely And it is a very cheap drug...an older drug but one that helps with several ailments. Give it a try and after several days its side affects will diminish and then go away as your body gets use to it. Another remedy is music...I like to listen to http://www.buzzoutroom.com/chillout/ Music is medicine for the soul. Finally...watch Disney's Alice in Wonderland. Specifically watch the very beginning. Alice is laying in bed after having a disturbing dream and her father comes to her bedside. She ask him "Do you think I've gone around the bend""...to which he lovingly answers..."you've gone bonkers...absolutely mad...but all the best ones do". So welcome Andy...you are one of the best one's.
I have also found music helps, find a Christian music station and listen to it when you are doing things around the house, driving, getting ready in the morning. I was completely devastated after the death of my mom and this was a life saver, it got me moving when I did not want to. Also, EWTN streams for free and there are several stations that air in different parts of the world that all stream too. So you could watch/listen to ewtn as you get ready for work, do errands etc. For example, if what is playing in North America is not helpful, check out what is on the Ireland station, the Asia station and the Africa station. All those are in English. Then there are also the radio stations. http://www.ewtn.com/multimedia/live_player.asp?sat=dome
The is a guy in work, I'll call him Joe, who is a good friend of mine whom I have know for many years. Every day Joe turns up and goes home at exactly the same time. He dresses the same in black trousers and white shirt. He insists on doing the exact same work at the exact same desk and takes the exact same lunch, even down to the pecan nuts everyday. John is a very quiet, even timid man but one thing that will drive Joe crazy is any change in his daily schedule. A bus being late, a greater workload , a computer break down and Joe will fly into a little rage. Why is Joe like this? Well it is a kind of turtle complex that allows Joe to retreat into the shell of ritual and the everyday, protected from life by shell hard routine. Joe is basically a human turtle. A very likeable turtle, but, still, a turtle.
There is another person at work whom I will call Jill and who is a Supervisor who is also a turtle but a turtle of a different type. She is basically an aggressive turtle and one who seeks to protect herself from change and life by making everyone to conform to rules and regulations and isfor ever ranting and complaining. She sees life as a series of rules that must be obeyed and is constantly furious that folks do not conform to her rules and her standards. She wants the whole world to become a turtle and one of her latest schemes is to enforce a rule that we should all wear uniforms. Both John and Jill are afraid of change, which is another way of saying they are afraid of life. Change would involve risk, pain and for them is very much to be avoided. Good types of Jill and Joe in Scripture are the Pharisees and Sadduccees who were also turtles, imprisoning themselves in routine, ritual and the law. Jesus Condemns the Pharisees and the Teachers of the Law of Moses 23 Jesus said to the crowds and to his disciples: 2 The Pharisees and the teachers of the Law are experts in the Law of Moses. 3 So obey everything they teach you, but don’t do as they do. After all, they say one thing and do something else. 4 They pile heavy burdens on people’s shoulders and won’t lift a finger to help. 5 Everything they do is just to show off in front of others. They even make a big show of wearing Scripture verses on their foreheads and arms, and they wear big tasselsa]">[a] for everyone to see. 6 They love the best seats at banquets and the front seats in the meeting places. 7 And when they are in the market, they like to have people greet them as their teachers. 8 But none of you should be called a teacher. You have only one teacher, and all of you are like brothers and sisters. 9 Don’t call anyone on earth your father. All of you have the same Father in heaven. 10 None of you should be called the leader. The Messiah is your only leader. 11 Whoever is the greatest should be the servant of the others. 12 If you put yourself above others, you will be put down. But if you humble yourself, you will be honored. 13-14 You Pharisees and teachers of the Law of Moses are in for trouble! You’re nothing but show-offs. You lock people out of the kingdom of heaven. You won’t go in yourselves, and you keep others from going in.b]">[b] 15 You Pharisees and teachers of the Law of Moses are in for trouble! You’re nothing but show-offs. You travel over land and sea to win one follower. And when you have done so, you make that person twice as fit for hell as you are. 16 You are in for trouble! You are supposed to lead others, but you are blind. You teach that it doesn’t matter if a person swears by the temple. But you say that it does matter if someone swears by the gold in the temple. 17 You blind fools! Which is greater, the gold or the temple that makes the gold sacred? 18 You also teach that it doesn’t matter if a person swears by the altar. But you say that it does matter if someone swears by the gift on the altar. 19 Are you blind? Which is more important, the gift or the altar that makes the gift sacred? 20 Anyone who swears by the altar also swears by everything on it. 21 And anyone who swears by the temple also swears by God, who lives there. 22 To swear by heaven is the same as swearing by God’s throne and by the one who sits on that throne. 23 You Pharisees and teachers are show-offs, and you’re in for trouble! You give God a tenth of the spices from your garden, such as mint, dill, and cumin. Yet you neglect the more important matters of the Law, such as justice, mercy, and faithfulness. These are the important things you should have done, though you should not have left the others undone either. 24 You blind leaders! You strain out a small fly but swallow a camel. 25 You Pharisees and teachers are show-offs, and you’re in for trouble! You wash the outside of your cups and dishes, while inside there is nothing but greed and selfishness. 26 You blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of a cup, and then the outside will also be clean. 27 You Pharisees and teachers are in for trouble! You’re nothing but show-offs. You’re like tombs that have been whitewashed.c]">[c] On the outside they are beautiful, but inside they are full of bones and filth. 28 That’s what you are like. Outside you look good, but inside you are evil and only pretend to be good. 29 You Pharisees and teachers are nothing but show-offs, and you’re in for trouble! You build monuments for the prophets and decorate the tombs of good people. 30 And you claim that you would not have taken part with your ancestors in killing the prophets. 31 But you prove that you really are the relatives of the ones who killed the prophets. 32 So keep on doing everything they did. 33 You are nothing but snakes and the children of snakes! How can you escape going to hell? 34 I will send prophets and wise people and experts in the Law of Moses to you. But you will kill them or nail them to a cross or beat them in your meeting places or chase them from town to town. 35 That’s why you will be held guilty for the murder of every good person, beginning with the good man Abel. This also includes Barachiah’s son Zechariah,d]">[d] the man you murdered between the temple and the altar. 36 I can promise that you people living today will be punished for all these things! View attachment 6026
This is a beautiful and uplifting thread. I say this prayer each morning because I wake up in great physical pain every day, I think that it was a prayer taught to the children of Fatima by our Blessed Mother and has helped. I often don't have the words to describe my thoughts on matters like this. Suffering and bearing pain; physical, emotional, and spiritual I never feel that I am able to bare with grace. Pain and suffering leave me exhausted and depleted. Weak. For many years it hardened my heart. So, I try now to leave my worry about it at the foot of the cross. He knows our hearts and understands us. He has deep mercy and empathy for us in all of our hours of turmoil and suffering. All of them. He is our Father after all and what Father can sit by while his child suffers and not suffer himself. I pray the Lord will hide us all in his Stripes. Dear Lord, Help me to remember in these troubled times The cross you carried for my sake, So that I may better carry mine And to help others do the same, As I offer up (whatever your concern or problem here) to you For the conversion of sinners For the forgiveness of sins In reparation for sins And for the salvation of souls. Amen
We are all of us Jill's and Joe's to some extent or other. We all want to hide form the pain of change, especially spiritual change and growth. Growth in this fallen sinful world always involves pain. The Holy Spirit on the other hand is wind and water and fire and is a great ass kicker, delighting in change and growth and life.
With regards to 'Joe' mentioned by padraig: I hope my comment doesn't distract from the thread, but it sounds to me like 'Joe' suffers from autism. He appears to have the following: Inability to try new foods or restaurants. Adhering to the same schedule every day. Feeling discomfort outside of a daily routine. Difficulty changing plans.
Funny about the teethI can relate . emotion was discouraged in our house growing up I was never one to cry. But almost the first thing to happen after my conversion was the heart of stone turning to a heart of flesh. Tears come very easily these many years since.
You should write a book, Padraig. Maybe a little devotional of simple reflections on life that would be intimately tied to God or spirituality. Sometimes my mind is so full of conflict, doubt, and confusion that it takes something starkly uncomplicated to put me at peace. Like turtles.....
I never thought of a clinical pathology, but of course you may be right. But what I was trying to do was point this on as an analogy to the spiritual life. There was a time in my life when I was spiritually very, 'Rich', not a few years after my conversion. I was in a contemplative monastery praying in front of the Blessed Sacrament several hours a day. Living with some very holy people. I had all kind of great devotions , the rosary, novenas, working on the monastery farm with loads of sheep dogs for company, fasting a lot , studying to a be a priest which was my huge dream since childhood. And on and on and on. All the right buttons pressed. Out of my mind happy in fact. But maybe looking back on it a little too happy , a little too comfortable, a little bit too much the guy who had it made. Then a dream one night that I would be left the monastery in a month, which i just laughed at. Then a feeling a very strong feeling in prayer at the Blessed Sacrament to go out and pray. A few weeks later I was outside lying in a dump with little or no dough, no job no prospects. I was at the start of the Dark Night of the Soul, thinking to myself that maybe I had gone mad, maybe offended God is some desperate unknown way, wondering, wondering , wondering. Yet that which seemed so terrible at the time was actually just the kick in the ass I needed. For I had turned into a human turtle. I need taken out of my shell to flourish. It is a bit like some of the plants in my house. They do well inside in winter, its were they are meant to be. But when springtime comes taking them outside to get the sun suits them . The times of suffering and darkness in our lives, which humanly we most fear and hate can actually be the times we most need. A bit like the gardener with roses. I watched an old saintly monk once pruning tea roses very closely and he was teaching em how to do it. I was sure he had killed them all he pruned them so tight. But lo and behold it was like heaven when they bloomed they were gorgeous. God is like that with us, He prunes us. John 15:2 Jesus the True Vine 1I am the true vine, and My Father is the keeper of the vineyard. 2He cuts off every branch in Me that bears no fruit, and every branch that does bear fruit, He prunes to make it even more fruitful. 3You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you.… By the way have you ever seen tea roses?
Carrion Comfort By Gerard Manley Hopkins Not, I'll not, carrion comfort, Despair, not feast on thee; Not untwist — slack they may be — these last strands of man In me ór, most weary, cry I can no more. I can; Can something, hope, wish day come, not choose not to be. But ah, but O thou terrible, why wouldst thou rude on me Thy wring-world right foot rock? lay a lionlimb against me? scan With darksome devouring eyes my bruisèd bones? and fan, O in turns of tempest, me heaped there; me frantic to avoid thee and flee? Why? That my chaff might fly; my grain lie, sheer and clear. Nay in all that toil, that coil, since (seems) I kissed the rod, Hand rather, my heart lo! lapped strength, stole joy, would laugh, chéer. Cheer whom though? the hero whose heaven-handling flung me, fóot tród Me? or me that fought him? O which one? is it each one? That night, that year Of now done darkness I wretch lay wrestling with (my God!) my God.
I understand. Which is why I hoped aloud that my thoughts about Joe having autism wouldn't be distracting. Thanks, padraig.
Thank you for writing for us this Hopkins's sonnet. I have loved Hopkins for these many many years and especially his dark sonnets. Everyone admires his lovely illuminative sonnets like the one on the Holy Spirit and the Glory Be to God for Dappled Things and I love those too but oh the dark sonnets, what comfort to those of us who sometimes dwell in those wastelands. I Hopkins in high school and never looked back. I even tried my hand at sonnet writing.
Poor Fr. Hopkins SJ. Not only a terrible Dark Night but as an Upper Class Englishman with a military background he was sent to British Occupied Ireland to minister by the Jesuits the Irish working classes. He was sensitive , a poet, I can't imagine how he must have suffered, I hope the Irish were kind to him. Plus his poetry was rubbished. It makes me sad that he was never recognized in his own lifetime.
