I am so very sorry Andy.....please know that I'm praying for you right now. Please do not dispair. God is right there with you....even if you do not feel it at this moment....trust....He is there. Pray for the strength of the powerful St. Michael to carry you through Andy. When you feel your suffering at its worse, plead his intersession for relief. Repeat it every time you feel it coming back. You will see in heaven the souls that your suffering may have saved. I'll be praying for you..... God bless you Andy+
Thank you all for your kind words and prayers. Yesterday, I just couldn't take the pain so I tried my best to work through the drought and return to the Lord. I went and sat before Him in adoration for the first time in a long time and by His grace I was the only one there so could just cry out to Him and weep. I don't know what this is. I am not a man that cries and yet I have cried for many days now and have felt so alone for many days not. Yesterday was comforting. I did not feel anything profound there but I walked out after an hour and felt better, felt strength and love and felt the urge to stop crying for once. This morning I forced myself on the drive to work to once again pick up the rosary. It was so hard to get through. I would cry out and weep yet again with the Lord as I meditated on all His sufferings. Especially the first mystery in Gethsemane. Today I plan to go to the priest and confess my sins which are many and have mounted up in this time of doubt and lack of faith. I am trying to do my part knowing He is right there with me even when I don't feel Him. I don't know if it is your prayers that are helping me to find this strength again to return to our Lord but even if it is not, I thank you all nonetheless. One day at a time. I am sure with trust and in time this pain shall pass and once again I feel His loving arms or at least His hands on this heavy cross I am barring right now. Much love to you all my friends and may God bless you!
dear Andy, I asked the Lord at The consecration of mass today to help you...Trust Him...He is there for you. Jesus, I trust in You+
So I am back from confession and mass. It is always darkest before the dawn as they say and it was pretty dark yesterday but it is getting better. I do see a speck of light again in the darkness. This battle is far from over but I don't believe it could ever get back to where I was yesterday. Truly felt like the bottom of the rope so I tied a knot as mentioned, or rather the Lord did, and now it's time to begin to climb again back up. Thank you for your prayers and your continued prayers. They are greatly appreciated and greatly needed. The priest in the confessional was so helpful. The Lord truly speaks through many of His priests doesn't he?
God bless you, Andy. I will continue to include you in my prayers. Please know that we are all here to support you and hold you up.
I was thinking Andy about you wrote about crying and it made me think of all the times I have cried myself. But it made me think of something else, something wonderful. It made me think of all the times since my conversion, since seeing Our Lady I have cried tears of Joy!! They are many, many , many. Then I went on to ask myself the question, 'How many people in the whole world , no matter how rich or famous and wonderful their lives get to cry tears of joy? ' Perhaps a few once or twice. But I have gotten to shed tears of joy on many, many occasions. Perhaps this is one of the greatest proofs of the Truth of Faith and prayer, that we get to shed tears of Joy.
Padraig I always thought that women were more prone to tears, but I am not sure anymore. You have cried tears of Joy but have you ever cried tears of sadness at the Mass or elsewhere? God Bless
Prayers for you Andy. Reading your posts above has been of enormous help to me.. (I'm sorry... that is probably not much comfort to you now) and Padraig's responses too. God is using this suffering and He will bring about total healing for you. Just stick in there and keep offering him your tears. It will pass. Joel 2:25 : I will restore to you everything the locusts have eaten.
I join my prayers to all others here for you Andy. Tonight in my night prayers and tomorrow when I do my hour of Adoration. God bless and keep you dear brother.
Yes I have often shed tears of sadness, Light, though I have to say my own impression is I have a very,very hard heart in many ways. I often find in contemplating the Passion there are no tears. But on the other hand I am not sure how much we can judge the efficacy of our prayers by our tears. I have to say I come from a large Catholic working class family and I would say a kind of hard background , very hard in which men crying or hugging or such like was not the done thing. There was a Comedian who one time said about our family, 'The only thing not hard about the Caughey's is their teeth'. But isnce my conversion I find I can cry a lot more.
Hi Andy, you have been in my prayers the last few days. Have you experienced periods of finding it difficult to breathe and only being able to sigh heavily perhaps?
Thankfully I have not. I have truly been in a period of darkness with all of this but it is getting better. I hit the bottom on Thursday and had moments of improvement but still had some suffering. I have now not cried over this pain and depression since Saturday now and I am feeling remarkably better right now. My prayer life is improving again too. Time heals all wounds and this one will heal too and I will await the next cross to bare. I saw a picture on facebook the other day that was so comforting. It was of a woman crying and had the following Psalm 56 on it: Tears are prayers too. They travel to God when we can't speak.
One of the greatest consolations to me in times of suffering has been Our Blessed Mother. When I walk the dogs at night through open country it is very,very dark. But these frosty nights the moon and stars are very bright and shed light all around even in places with no path when I forget my trusty torch. People have often seen the moon as a symbol of Mary , Star of the Sea, shinning in the Dark . She is often shown as standing on the moon as in Our Lady of Guadalupe. Song of Solomon 6:10 Who is this that appears like the dawn, fair as the moon, bright as the sun, majestic as the stars in procession?
Very beautiful posting, Padraig, thank you for your musings, your lovely pictures, and this ancient hymn. I have known of it, but never heard it performed. Ave Maris Stella!
