Letter to an elderly friend who is alone I have met some very interesting people on the internet. There is a lot of bad publicity about the danger of social media, some of it right on target. Yet, it can also be helpful for many who are isolated and alone. I have become friends with an elderly woman named Maria who lives in Oklahoma. She is 70 years old, and at this time is alienated from her children, who do not want to have anything to do with her. They refuse to help with money, food, etc. Like many, she is on a limited income. She is heartbroken over the situation. From what she tells me, she has come from a very bad, abusive background, and married a man who also abused her. Now it continues with her children. I do not know all the facts, or if indeed she could be the cause of the alienation of her children. What is important is that she is trying now to reach out, and to change. Now she is trying hard not to despair, and hopefully, she is growing in trust in God. I find it very painful to think about her life at this time. Yet I sense the grace of God at work in her life. From time to time, I will send her something to help her, and books as well. I am sharing this because I want my friends here to pray for her. She lives in Oklahoma in a town called Duncan. At this time in her life, she is open to grace, and is seeking God, but struggles with despair because of her abusive background and the state of her relationship with her children. Yet as her trust in God grows I can sense some deep healing. I do believe that the Lord has a tight hold on her, and she truly wants to grow in her love and trust in God. If you read this, thank you for your prayers for her. Peace Br. Mark 12/15/23 My Dear Friend, I hope that this letter finds you well and in good health. I know that this time of year may be hard for you, but I hope that you are finding some comfort in your deepening, loving, relationship with Jesus. Yes, your life is hard, but in drawing close to Jesus you will receive the grace to grow in endurance which is a gift of the Holy Spirit. Advent is a time of waiting; as you know, there are many ways to wait. In Advent, we await the fulfillment of God’s promises to the world and each of us, for we are each loved by God uniquely. When we struggle time seems ‘long’, but in reality, we are here for such a short time. So use your time well, and pray and grow in trust of God who cares for you. It can be hard to trust, but it is a choice, even if a hard one. If we do not trust things will get heavier since we begin to carry our burdens by ourselves. With Christ-in-us, we find the strength and courage to continue. Today, tomorrow, and the day after pass quickly, and soon both of us will be in a place where your desire to be loved and seen will be fulfilled. In the meantime pray for your family, since even if your relationship with them is painful, your prayers are very important for their salvation. Being a mother is hard, and in that you resemble the love that God has for all of his children, even those who rebel. So, love, pray, and forgive. Emotional pain is difficult but understood by our loving Savior who lived a full life, loved more than any of us can imagine, and in the end, forgave all. So always pray to live out your motherhood, even if difficult. God sees all, and I do not doubt that he is very pleased with your desire to grow in trust and love. Being a mother is a hard road, but keep taking one step at a time, one day at a time. It is in the ordinary day-to-day life that we grow, but God keeps it hidden, so trust and move forward. As your heart expands in trust, your ability to open your heart grows. Growing is slow, as is the evolution in the freedom that Jesus wants you to have. Focus on loving him, and when in pain, look to him, trusting in him. In looking to Jesus, and focusing on Advent, you may find that the season takes on a different meaning and a place where you can find rest. “God With Us”, becomes a reality and not just a concept. You are never alone, no matter what you feel. I saw a picture of your house on the Internet, it is a beautiful house with a very nice yard. I will always pray that your life will be peaceful and that you will grow in contentment to be where you are. So try to find joy in the birth of your savior, and do not let the distance of your family distress you so much. I am well, and very happy that we are friends. We may never meet in this life but will have eternity to develop a deep friendship with each other. Let us pray for each other, and stay close to the Blessed Mother, who has a very special love for you because of your motherhood. Your prayers for your family will be heard, for the Blessed Mother understands fully your pain. In the love and peace of Jesus Christ Br. Mark
I’d like to tell Maria, her “very bad and abusive background” is in the sides and rear view mirrors of her “vehicle” that she is traveling through life in. I think it is best to look upon the road ahead. If you are focused on the rear view mirror, you won’t be paying attention to what’s in front and you’ll crash. The past is gone, never to return, the future has not yet come. All we have is our present day. Everyday that the sun arises, it is creation renewed. I am all too familiar with despair, I lived it everyday with my illness. Going through turmoil can be God’s way of setting us on the right path which ultimately leads to His heavenly kingdom. No one can understand God’s ways but we must trust in Him. Our Lord is kind and merciful. The fallen angels would very much like us to do two things - constantly regret about the bad things in our past and be fearful and suffer anxiety about the future. Living in the moment of each new day and trusting in God is the answer.
Brother Mark adds: So try to find joy in the birth of your savior, and do not let the distance of your family distress you so much. Prayers!
What a blessed answer. Mother Angelica echoed your sentiments, she was always said to live in the present moment, so did the great saint, St. Teresa de Avila.
Praying for Maria. May she be blessed with the unconditional love of Our Saviour. She is blessed already by having you as her friend Br. Mark.
Prayers for Maria and it is a beautiful thing to do to be-friend an elderly person. Recently my parish created a social and support group for the Widowed, Widowers, and Singles in our church. So far has been wonderful. NOT a dating group or anything like that. I joined because I am married but living single for the last 25 years. Most everyone in the group is in their 80s and 90s. I feel like a kid at 60! but anyway what a wonderful blessing it has turned out to be! So many of the aged gals and guys I saw alone at Mass each week have so much to share in knowledge and talent and friendship. I encourage everyone who is thinking of this to start something in their parish. We started a few years ago with just a monthly Mass and Pot Luck for the Elderly and so many got to know each other there and now have a formal group with monthly meetings, socials, day trips etc..
How very sad. I know a lady who was abused as a child and later, in a different way, by her husband. Just before her 50th wedding anniversary he left her for a younger woman. She was heartbroken as she loved her husband despite his abuse. Now she is terminally ill and I’m sure it’s all connected. Of her four children only one stands by her, but this does sound better than Maria’s plight. She does have faith but as her husband is Catholic, she’s moved to the Methodists who are supporting her. To her, Catholicism reminds her too much of her past. Prayers for Maria. Yesterday was my Coffee and Cake afternoon party for seniors. We had around 20 and I served home made and bought cakes. I had a speaker who is a good friend, and Father Christmas appeared as well. There was a raffle as seniors seem to love them. Organising this has been stressful but it was a huge success. Not everyone was lonely but I’m convinced it did good. I had a similar one two years ago. Now I’m tired but glad we made the effort.
I do like your analogy thank you. Letting go is hard to do, but at this time she is working one it, and I believe is having more peace, and growing in trust of God. Peace and thank you Mark
What a loving act of kindness. People forget that one day, and soooner than they think, they to will be old and in need. I am sorry for your friend. Abandonment is a very hard road to walk, but it is true, faith in God does give us purpose and hope as well. peace mark
