We are living in a time where divorce has become so acceptable. I work with alot of children. Only today a father one of those children told me his wife has left him, she has now got her own home, and the children are with him. I said "Oh, that's terrible!" He said. "No, it's good for him, she keeps the business, he keeps the house." I said. "But the kids, that's sad." He says. "They'll be alright." Family breakdown has become part of our lives. We all know people who this have happen to. But what has happened to them?
Marriage has been under attack for many centuries and is devalued in many ways in our society - media, government [a satanic assault] etc - it is one of the signs of the times - Our Blessed Lord indicated this in his eschatological discourse on the end times [Matthew 24]. 'As it was in the days of Noah, so it will be at the coming of the Son of Man. For in the days before the flood, people were eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage, up to the day Noah entered the ark'. A Catholic marriage is sacramental which means that it is an oath bound covenant. Those who marry in the Catholic tradition should be warned by the priest before they marry that the solemn oath they undertake is real. God will hold them to account on Judgement day. In the rush of modern living and all of its pressures, temptations and pleasures it is easy in our materialistic society to forget the vows that were made. Here I am talking about Catholic sacramental marriage. These vows were based on the mandate given by Jesus that sacramental marriage creates a union so powerful that the two become one flesh in the eyes of God. It is impossible for God to see this union in any other way. Therefore, if a man should separate from his wife for another woman he is in the eyes of God guilty of adultery. The marriage vows speak of the permanence of the sacramental bond: "Will you honor each other as man and wife for the rest of your lives?" Do you promise to be true ---- in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, to love and honor --- all the days of your life? to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part. At the heart of marriage is the spirit of sacrificial love and service which is a mirror of Christ's life. Not easy but marriage is a sacrament that imparts supernatural grace in abundance if we are open to receiving them. Therefore, if we are not living in a state of grace then it will be harder to keep these vows. Jesus instituted the sacrament of marriage and when he taught of its permanence the disciples were shocked and understood what he was teaching about the sacrament. The disciples said to him, “If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry.” In our materialistic, hedonistic and selfish culture the values of Christ have no real meaning to many therefore many do not understand the ways of Christ. We who believe try to see with the eyes of Christ. It is the narrow path that leads to eternal life but the road to perdition is broad and has many attractive and enticing pleasures. So many times I am tempted to walk down that easy road May God give us married couples the graces required to serve one another in a spirit of love all the days of our lives. Blessed Mother Mary intercede for us. May the Holy Angels protect sacramental marriages.
My 22 year old daughter announces her friend has bought a house with her boyfriend and they have moved in together. So I say. "That's a shame, pitty they didn't get married first" Daughter says. "Well, I wasn't expecting that answer, why not be happy for them?" Doesn't my daughter know me????? Daughter continues to say. "Well, I think it's a good idea to know what they are like to live with before you marry them." She continued by suggesting it prevents divorce. My Goodness. Have I been failing as a parent? I continued to say. "This living together, has not brought down the divorce rate, in fact, since this trend over the past 25 years, the divorce rate has risen." I could have kept going, but as this daughter hasn't even got a boyfreind, I don't have to worry about this scenario happening in the near future. This is one of the many problems facing our youth. The trend is... living together, have a baby, then marriage (maybe) They've got it wrong!
Hi Jane, I just wanted to let you know that I'm 27 and studying for my PhD. I'm still in a college environment and all my friends would have the same opinion as your daughter's friends. When you are in that environment it is easy for worldly views to infiltrate your mind. I have only started to realise that this has happened to me as well, albeit in more subtle and subversive ways. I think the prayers of my mother and grandmother have prevented me from sinking deeper into this. Keep praying for her and she will come through this... although you might end up a saint The world is very hard right now for young people. God knows this so don't lose hope! In a sense your daughter is not your responsibility anymore. You cannot control what path God will choose to lead to her on. Sometimes we make mistakes but God keeps guiding us. Give her to Our Lady and just keep doing what you are doing. I'll think of her in my own prayers too. You might throw an 'ol prayer in my direction too
Siena, Five of my six children are out of the house and I have to agree with your assessment. My time of molding children is mostly over; they are out of my control, or at least my direct sphere of influence. Now is the time in my life when I must truly believe in the power of prayer. And yes, I will say prayers for you as well, though I think they'd be new rather than old! Safe in the Hearts of Jesus and Mary!
Lovely to hear from you Siena. You are right. It is very hard for our youth to know what is right and what is wrong. In fact through their education they have learnt it is good to tolerate everything. I believe this has lead to their confussion. As all my children still live at home, I still hold that motherly responsibility for them though. I know I can't stop them on their path. But I feel as if I should still let them know the difference between right and wrong. Then it is up to them to do what they want. I suppose I was just taken back, because she didn't see a problem with living together before marriage. It would be lovely if we went back to marry first, then live together, and then find out about the annoying habits.
It's actually my own mother who is the wise one! She told me before that she had told Our Lady that I was hers now and that she was to be my mother. She said that in prayer with our Our Lady she relinquished her rights to me as a mother and gave them to Our Lady. I think another child might have felt this was a bit wierd but fortunately I know that she was doing me a great favour! It is a sign in fact of how much she really does love me which is pretty cool I think
I completely agree with you. I mentioned in the above post that my own mother gave me to Our Lady a few years ago. That she would be my mother. However, that wouldn't stop my mother from correcting my errors! And that is as it should be I think. I just hate to hear that you are blaming yourself a little because that sense of right and wrong isn't as strong as you would like it. In my life I think I have been allowed to have a close at the world and what it has to offer before I was ready to accept God's invitation. (This is an ongoing process so please pray for me). The same thing could be the case with your daughter. So keep praying and trusting and of course correcting her errors! My mam is also on this site so she might be better at advising you! I just thought I'd give the viewpoint of an oft wayward daughter
Hi Jane, I don't have children, but I train and show large dogs (Newfoundlands) so when I read this it reminded me of my dogs in their journey to adulthood. I noticed as they are young they look to me for everything, and then suddenly about after they are a year or so (which would be a young adult in human years) they question everything, and push the limit, always testing me to see if I will hold to my teachings and demands. Could this be where your daughter is at? She is seeing the world now as an adult, and just keeps coming back to you trying to shock you to see if you are sticking with your story? She sounds a lovely young lady anyway, and I hope she stays true. If she strays, I'm sure she'll come back, as she has the good "roots"!
I was thinking last night. I have many nieces and nephews. 26 to be exact. 13 of them are married. Out of that 13 only 3 of them got married before living with their partner. 22 out of the 26 were baptised as a Catholic. 4 are of another denomination, but have been brought up with a greater faith than the Catholic children. 13 are married, but NONE of them got married in a Church. Why don't they realize "It is a 'Holy Sacrament'.
Carmel333, I came across this article from the Holy Father today. I thought about your valiant struggle and sacrifice for your marriage. May we all be brave enough to sacrifice for our marriages!! 01/26/2013 Pope asks Roman Rota to reflect on lack of faith and invalidity of marriage CATHOLIC MARRIAGEThis morning the Pope received members of the Tribunal of the Roman Rota in audience for the opening of the judicial year. Benedict XVI praised the precious sacrifice of those who have been abandoned but do not allow themselves to enter into a new union VATICAN INSIDER STAFFROME During this morning’s address to members of the Tribunal of the Roman Rota received in audience for the opening of the judicial year, the Pope asked them to reflect further on the lack of faith in couples as the cause of the invalidity of marriage. The Pope said his intention was not to suggest an automatic link between lack of faith and the invalidity of marital union but to highlight how this lack may hurt the intrinsic goods of marriage.” In order for it to remain a sacrament, Catholic marriage "does not require, for the purposes of sacramentality, the personal faith of those to be married." The Pope pointed this out to auditors, officials and lawyers of the Tribunal of the Roman Rota received in the Clementine Hall for the solemn inauguration of the judicial year. "But while it is important not to confuse the issue of intent with that of the personal faith of the contracting parties, it is not always possible to completely separate them," Benedict XVI added. John Paul II - the Pope recalled - had explained that a married couple which does not take into account the supernatural dimension of marriage, invalidates the bond only if this is damaged on a natural level. The issue of the validity of the marriage, "especially in the current context”, needs further reflection. In his address to Rota judges, the Pope emphasised “the precious sacrifice offered by those spouses who have been abandoned or those who have suffered divorce – while recognizing the indissolubility of valid marriage – succeed in not allowing themselves to become involved in a new union.” Quoting John Paul II and Tertullian, Benedict XVI pointed out the example of many married couples who lived their marriage "in the Christian perspective," and so were able "to overcome even the most adverse situations.” Pope Benedict XVI also wished to underline the concept of “bonum coniugum”: Faith – he remarked – is important for true conjugal wellbeing, which means always wanting what is best for the other person, to ensure a truly indissoluble consortium vitae. The "accentuated subjectivism and moral and religious relativism" of modern culture - with the idea that a lifelong bond is not compatible with human nature and in fact contrasts an individual’s liberty and self-fulfilment - makes it difficult to comprehend Christian marriage.
