I have been very close friends with this woman I met another online forum site, she actually taught me a lot, and matured a great bit by being friends with her. I eventually decided to leave that site for various issues, that I won't get into here, but before I left, we exchanged emails with either other. During our time on that site, this women had married another man, after speaking with each other through email, the woman did let me know that her husband knew about us, and was okay with it. But I want to check with the Church, what do the moral theologians say, is it okay for married woman, and an unmarried man to be pen pals? What does the Church say about Platonic relationships where when of the friends is married?
I would ask myself this question, the very fact you are seeking advice must tell your soul that something is not right ??? ask yourself the content of the pen pal conversations I have with this woman if I was married to this woman would I be happy if another man was having these conversations with my wife ??? if all is innocent and good will then I would imagine there is nothing wrong with any man being friends with any female married or not.
I'm no moral theologian but I am a married woman and I am pretty active on some forums and blogs. I have formed close relationships with those I interact with - and that includes a few men. I don't see any problems and I believe, neither do the men. That said, I am careful. Apart from my email add, these online friends, women included, know only what I want them to know about my life. They sure know I have children, that I work but no other specific details. They know of my spiritual journeys and my struggles but only what I have put out on my blog. This is how I protect myself, and I would whether married or not. My husband knows what I do as I regularly share with him. I'm almost always pecking away at the keys as he lies by my side watching TV or reading. The laptop I use is always lying around in case he needs to use it too. And there's no password protect on my email accounts - because there really is no upsetting content that will twist someone inside out. So, I guess without meaning to or planning it, every bit of the above is a safeguard against a platonic relationship going where it shouldn't. That said, if you catch yourself waiting for the room to empty before replying to an email, or doing any other number of things you never used to do, or if you sense a relationship is evolving, even if you just suspect it, it's time for you to leave. And leave for good.
What Seagrace has said is wise. If you find yourself going beyond spiritual encouragement to confiding heartfelt issues to this individual, I would advise you to change course. Let Jesus and Mary be the ones you love and lean on. Safe in the refuge of the Immaculate Heart!
I heard a marriage counsellor on the radio once saying that most extra-marital affairs these days begin as platonic friendships that exclude one's spouse. So, for instance, a work-related acquaintance or someone you meet through a social/sports group. I think cultivating exclusive friendships with the opposite sex is morally dangerous and prudence is always needed. Even if there is no attraction or dubious intention on one's own part, that might not be the case for the other person. I know a married man, a practising Catholic highly involved in prayer groups and Church liturgy, etc., who is quite imprudent when it comes to friendships with women, particularly unattached women (like myself) who are involved in the Church and faith. He cultivates friendships that exclude his wife (possibly because she is not really interested in the Church or faith and he is seeking like-minded people). This bothers me a lot. He doesn't seem to be aware of the danger. Maybe he thinks that being religious makes you immune to extra-marital affairs, but these things often start off very innocently. I think the advice above is good; proceed with caution, use an abundance of prudence and if you find yourself steering off the straight and narrow, adjust your course.
Awhile back I read an email about friendships You can be friends for a reason And friends for a season The friendship might not last forever
My Dad, God rest his soul, told me on several occasions that I would be very blessed if I had a few good friends that would stick by me through life. He meant just a few, too. And his words were applicable to my life. I am not trying to make your friendship with this woman seem insignificant, but I am saying that friendships, at least in my life, have waxed and waned. I am 70 years old and I can say my Dad was right, at least for me. I can count a few really true friends now, and I cherish them. Things will work out for you. Thank you for being a member of this forum.
That is why everyone needs a faithful dog. My dogs are always there to greet me when I get home. Always wanting companionship. Never judging and always willing to eat the same food every day without complaining. Now that's a good friend.
Thanks everyone, most of this stuff was just scrupulosity, but I do see a few areas where I will try should try and be more cautious. Fortunately our emails aren't that frequent so there is a bit of precaution in that.
