We live in a world with many broken relationships, people remarried, cohabitation and irregular situations. I am sure we all have this in our families so it is often hard to negotiate through these dynamics because we live in secular and sinful times. So when staying with family members or inviting family members to stay in our homes can be morally challenging, how do people on the forum deal with these complexities? Many of these irregular situations are long-term and for those who do not practice the faith and have no intention of regulating their relationships in relation to church teaching. I have a sibling living in a long-term relationship over thirty years but not married and no intention of getting married but they are like an old married couple. Lots of prayers have been said but no sign of movement - it has become so common that people do not bat an eyelid at irregular unions as they don't even see them as irregular anymore. I am sure there are many complicated situations within families like that - would be interested in what people think and how you deal with this in your families - it feels like we are constantly pushing against a tidal wave in this area.
Within my family, all of my siblings have either married outside the Church or lived together without marriage. At the beginning of each one, I carefully pleaded with them to do it the right way...to follow God's will and avoid heartache down the road. This severely annoyed or upset all of them, and they didn't listen. I then focused on building/maintaining my relationship with them and being supportive in every way I could, while naturally bringing God and the Faith into most conversations, in positive ways. Eventually one sibling left his non-Catholic marriage, another decided to have her husband seek an annulment so she can get her marriage validated in the Church, and the other just announced that she's finally going to get married in the Church. All of them had questions and regrets over the last few years, and I was the one they came to with their problems...because they knew that I'd have the answers on what's the right thing to do AND I love them very much and have a supportive relationship with each of them.
Oh, also my husband's Catholic brother is married to a non-practicing Catholic outside of the Church. I have made several comments and invitations to both of them to bring God and Faith into their daily life and decisions, and this was bearing good fruit with Jeremy's brother for a while, but his wife seems to have hardened against the Faith over the last few years. We don't see each other often, but when we do, she brings up God or morality to me privately when others aren't around, then bitterly shoots down everything I say. I pray for them and hope God works things out for her.
I asked a very orthodox reliable priest about this because my youngest son was married in a civil ceremony. His wife is Asian and Buddhist. He said "its a kind of marriage. Not sacramental but it is a kind of marriage" and that i could welcome them to stay. What a relief. I suspect a common law marriage of many years is " a kind of marriage". The law certainly recognizes it as such--at least here in US. After 7 years it is a "common law" marriage. But there are lots of Sand traps out there for a devout Catholic. So hard with family members. Anyway thTs my two cents worth for what it is worth.
Good answers. Also, "there but for the grace of God go I." I have been there in a civil marriage while waiting for annulments. I would never do it again, but it happened. My parents were our witnesses in the Church marriage we had after our annulments were granted. I bet they had a huge sigh of relief.
I will include her in my prayers, PF. May our Tender Savior soften her heart! Mary most gentle, pray for Jeremy's sister-in-law!
I would like to ask people's opinions on something. I am separated nearly 7 years now. I do not believe in Divorce obviously. Recently a priest advised me to apply for an annulment from my Diocese. I do not want to do that. How I pray that we could be reunited in a sacramental marriage again! But if love seeks the good of the other, then perhaps I should try to free my wife from this union with an annulment. It would feel like a big humiliation for me. I am wondering if there are grounds for an annulment based on the fact that I was not a believer at the time we were married in the Church? In fact, I received Holy Communion under both species the day of our marriage on the altar with my wife, without having been to Confession either, in years. I suppose I may have brought condemnation upon myself and the marriage, for which I apologise to God. I live a chaste life now with regular Confession, but I do sincerely wish we could be reunited again. We have 3 children. I remember seeing a video about annulments in the U.S. it said that Marriage tribunals were becoming more and more lax about granting annulments. It compared statistics on annulments across more than 500 Dioceses in the U.S. Even the most strict Dioceses granted annulments to 2/3 of the applicants (turning down 1/3). There was a gradient in the statistics across Dioceses, with the most lax Diocese granting 99% of applications (refusing only 1%). I do not know which Dioceses were involved and how the statistics compare in Ireland or across Europe.
There are very few conditions under which an annulment may be granted. In my case, after the Tribunal ruled, it was sent to another Tribunal in another state to see what their ruling would be. That second opinion corroborated the first one. You can actually find the conditions under which an annulment may be granted online. You can also contact your Archdiocese and request the information. I wonder why a priest would advise you to get an annulment? I think a person needs to be divorced first. Check with the Archdiocese. Your marriage may not be invalid at first glance.
I was surprised at the conditions that the Church has recognized traditionally for an annulment. If one of the partners had no intention of entering a Catholic marriage as Catholics understand the sacrament of marriage. If the couple or one of the persons in the couple do not intend to have children. If coercion was applied in any way. HH is right. Look it up on line. I bet you will find good information.
Another thing. If one or both parties enter into marriage thinking that if it doesn’t work out, we can get divorced. That category probably includes those people who write out pre-nuptial agreements. Edit: those are grounds for an annulment since the marriage would be invalid under those conditions.
