We've moved into my mother in law's house while we're finishing getting our house on the market (it needs a new roof and a few minor repairs/painting). It may be the pregnancy hormones, but I'm really, really struggling with living with MIL. She is a sweet person, but I am so used to being alone with my little family and doing everything with my kids....and MIL has pretty much usurped my role except for the basics. I do the work of dressing/feeding/putting them to bed, but every single moment of the rest of the day MIL plays with them. She doesn't go to work or do anything (she's off for the summer) so I have no time alone here to bond with my kids unless I hide in a bedroom. But that doesn't last for long because they want to go be with Grandma. She plays board game after board game, jumps into all of their pretend play, reads the books that I brought to read to them (which is my favorite thing in the world to do with them)...and I'm really struggling with the sadness of missing the company of my children. And just the privacy of my home. I realize I should be grateful they have a grandma that loves them, and I am. Please pray that these feelings will subside.
She sounds wonderful! Your children are lucky to have such a Grandmother! How long will you be staying with them? Could you try flipping your mindset? Perhaps she thinks she is really helping your while you are pregnant by keeping them occupied. I know it’s hard once you are stuck thinking a certain way (believe me, I have done this myself!), but I have found that if I purposely change the way I think about it, even if I don’t believe it at first, my whole attitude changes for the better.
There is such a thing as an over involved grandparent but remember your children need to learn how to bond and socialize with other people and especially the older generation. While I’m sure it is difficult wanting to spend quality time (that is not “work”) time with your children think of it as time the Baby Jesus would like you to spend time with Him. Offer Him this small ball of sacrifice and He will surely reward you with a special smile Good Luck and I’ll say a prayer that the work on the house and the sale goes very quickly
That's what I'm hoping y'all's prayers will help me do! I know she's a great grandma and my feelings are very influenced by my weepy pregnancy hormones. My husband has been working overtime so I haven't seen him for two days. I would usually be busying myself around the house and cuddling up with my kids to read books or play...but this isn't my house to busy myself with, and grandma is occupying every last shred of my kids' attention. So I'm feeling a bit useless and lonely, nauseous and tired from the pregnancy, and struggling in general with losing the security of my private home. I don't know how long it will be before my house is sold and we find and close on a new one, so it's hard to handle all these feelings along with the uncertainty. But I really am trying.
I appreciate your advice and prayers. This is an "offering up" I'm having to do repeatedly all day long. Hopefully God will help with the feelings eventually.
Its a tough road PF. Living with inlaws or ones own parents can be very difficult. Even when everyone loves each other. I think Heidi's right. She is certainly enjoying her time with the children but also I bet she thinks she thinks she is taking the burden off you.
Hi Purple Flower, Congratulations on your pregnancy! God is amazing. I know a little of how you feel. My story is that one month after our first son was born, my mom was killed in a car accident. My mother-in-law came to help me with our newborn son. Part of me was grateful, but the part of me that grieved for losing my mom resented her help. As we had more children, my mother-in-law was very generous with gifts, clothing and money. I was very grateful for her help because money was really tight. She started to suffer dementia/parkinson's disease and after a few years of decline, she passed away. All this to say that I kind of know how you feel, but it is only a passing moment in time, things change, and try to enjoy these moments. God bless you and your beautiful family.
Your MIL sounds like a wee dote. In Ireland that's high praise. But you could be in this situation for many weeks so a few things to consider. Make the most. You are pregnant nauseous tired and emotional, and living in someone else's house. Been there. Equally your MIL is sharing her home with another (much loved) family. She is being wonderful about it and devoting herself to making life easier for you and spending all her time with her grandchildren. Neither you nor your MIL is enjoying the privacy of your own home. I bet if you sat with her over a cuppa and told her you appreciate how wonderful she is being spending time with them and that maybe its the pregnancy hormones but you miss e.g. reading time with them, that she'd be happy to take a break a couple of times a day to give you time with them. She could then have some time for herself. She probably needs it - she's bound to be mentally tired going from having the house to herself to sharing with all of you. You are such a sweet mother PF. Tired and nauseous but instead of putting your feet up you are missing time with your children. You and your MIL are so lucky to have each other. But communication is going to be essential if you're going to be there for a while.
I’m sorry, I did not mean to imply that you weren’t trying. I was just trying to explain what has helped me when I have felt like that……and I know very well how pregnancy hormones can be! I believe I would feel the exact same way in your situation. I will pray for you!
You brought up many good points. I like your idea of having some tea and talking. Also you brought up that the MIL did not have her house all to herself, either, good point. It’s an adjustment on all sides. I will pray. I bet it will work out just fine. A lot of it is the hormones. Look to your future home, and think of how God carried you this far and He won’t drop you now.
All of the replies are so on tap—- such good points. And the hormone changes.. I remember the little things that would make me cry. I remember asking my husband if he would fix the TV and he just said in passing “I don’t have time now”. And I cried!! I can’t believe it now but I did. You are in my prayers and perhaps a little chat would be good.
I'm sorry for you, PF. The job of dressing/feeding/putting them to bed are essential but probably feel like busy time for you. The play and reading times were the fun times when you felt more emotionally connected and appreciated by your wee ones. On the other hand, your MIL is simply delighted to create happy-memories-with-Grandma. Like HH points out, the hormones exaggerate all these feelings. Talk to your hubby about it. I like Krizevac's input: I bet if you sat with her over a cuppa and told her you appreciate how wonderful she is being spending time with them and that maybe its the pregnancy hormones but you miss e.g. reading time with them, that she'd be happy to take a break a couple of times a day to give you time with them.
Thank you, Terry; you've expressed exactly how I feel. At some point I may attempt talking with her...but it's hard knowing how to approach it. On my side of the family, we express our feelings with ease and talk through everything. But my husband's family doesn't discuss emotions or anything except pleasant small talk. You should see the sweat my husband breaks into just imagining having to share a feeling with his mom. Lol.
PF.... I totally agree with Krizevac... communication is vital!!!! I think your MIL is trying her hardest to keep the kids busy and out of your hair because of your delicate condition. I bet she assumes that you are thankful" that she is doing this and has no idea that you feel differently! However...imagine.... her peaceful life has been turned upside down and her daily routine put on hold for what may be quite awhile. Sitting down with her over a cup of coffee to chat about.. oh lets say..".how you would like to make this living situation less burdensome for her because you know what a disruption all these "bodies" taking over her once peaceful home has been. Sooo after she denies that all that is true ...you have now made for yourself an open road to making suggestions as to how to rectify the "problem". I'm thinkin that she will breath a sign of relief knowing that she doesnt have to entertain the kids 24/ 7. In case that doesnt work..........I'm including you both in my daily rosaries!!!
Haha, I did try something like that yesterday. She was reading to my daughter and seemed kind of tired so while she took a water break, I said, "If you're getting tired of reading, I would love to read to S****... It's actually my favorite thing to do!" She just laughed, said the book was long, then returned to reading for another 20 minutes, until my daughter wanted to do something else. TBH, the obsessive way she continues to ask all the kids for more games and things to do with her leads me to think she has found a way to feel loved and needed. I don't think it's something she wants to hand over to me in any increments. The only time she ever leaves the house to do anything is when I take the kids somewhere (it's my only way to be alone with them, but getting harder because I'm tired and nauseous.) She knows when we return because her doorbell app alerts her...and she hurries back as soon as she knows we're here.
