I could be wrong, but after discussing things in a CAF thread here: https://forums.catholic.com/t/that-one-angry-memory/514525/2 I’m starting to think that wounds from my past may be worse than I thought. Instead of overcoming these issues, I think may have just repressed and hid from them. Again, I could be wrong, but I’m going to mention some of this in confession tomorrow. Please pray that I receive all the graces I need, to heal from whatever it is I’m dealing with, and that tomorrow, at confession, I remember and mention what needs to be mentioned. (I am grateful that so far, I haven't been falling into mortal sin, although I may have committed a lot of venial sins in thinking about these things.) Also right now, I’m psychologically exhausted, and have difficulty focusing, so please pray in regards to that as well.
Frequent Confession brings graces from God to overcome sins You are on the right track A verse from Psalms: “unless the Lord build the house, they labor in vain who build it” God is working in you God bless you!
It gets better, RosaryWeilder, albeit gradually. You are being "rebuilt" and the foundation has to be strong. Trust in the Lord and ask Our Lady to help you develop the trust you need in this process. It is overwhelming when you first begin the journey, not knowing where to start, or how to start. The Lord has you in hand, and will help you by the Sacraments, prayer and reading good spiritual books. There will be little nudges, or sign posts to indicate what needs to be addressed next in your thinking and behaviour. Be prepared for storms, which feel like backsliding and are painful and confusing. However, the storms blow and clean, and when they have calmed, there is peace and progress.
Think of how much God loves you and why He loves. He does not love you for nothing. He did not die for you for nothing. Think of all the things He loves so much His heart is on Fire. Concentrate on your positves, not your negatives. Try to love yourself as much as Jesus and your Mother Mary do.
This is hard to do at first, but does come, with frequent confession and reception of the Holy Eucharist. I hardly ever feel crippling shame anymore, and am able to stop most of the negative thinking. But it took a lot of time and trust-building to get to that point(a few years)! And this, after decades of depression! Consecration to Our Lady has been essential for me.
I love the quote, I think from Isaiah , 'Even though your sins be red as scarlet, I will make them white as snow'. My Spiritual Director used to be amazed that my past did not trouble me. But I always took Our Lord at Hiis word that forgiveness meant forgiveness. I heard a story one time about Our Lord appearing to a French nun and she apoligised fro something bad she had done in the past. Our Lord looked puzzled and said He could not remember. Then He smiled and reminded her that anything she told in confession truly was forgiven and truly was forgotten. We are not like that. We can soemtimes forgive but rarely can we forget. The good God both forgives and forgets.
People are all different. I saw and did some terrible things during the war here. But came out of it , personally almost entirely unmarked. But I know the suicide and mental illness rates for those involved in conflicts is horrendous. I don;t really know why some folks go very badly and others like myself do not. It is the same with life generally. People suffer the most appalling traumas, especailly as children. Some seem to bounce back others fold over. Faith of course is a huge help, but there are other factors. So many mysteries.
I will say a prayer for you. Have you considered seeing a counsellor who could help you deal with emotional issues carried over from your childhood?
I do have a Protestant therapist (the only Christian therapist in my area.) that I'm seeing once or twice a month.
