I'm coming here again to ask for prayers...because I'm just having a lot of trouble lately handling things. I'm emotional and stressed, dealing with my usual postpartem anxiety where things worry me so much more than usual. God does help me when I pray...then the process starts all over again with something else. I want to be a patient, calm mother with a nice rhythm in my household. I feel like a failure almost always. There are multiple entire days each week where I'm on my own because hubby works long hours, and each week is different from the previous one due to rotating shifts, so I never know what day it is or what I should be planning for. It's hard to keep it straight, or feel like there's any security or rhythm to our lives. But my kids need structure. I've got to figure this out. Today I cried because I noticed a lump under my baby's sternum and the internet told me right away it was cancer. Thankfully my sister just had her baby 2 days ago and she told me her baby has the same thing, so it's normal. I cried so hard in relief. I feel absolutely ridiculous. And while I'm here, I might as well mention how I'm struggling with feelings of envy. My husband and I are working hard and with God's help but a lot of time away from each other and struggling over costs every step of the way...trying to achieve this dream of moving to the country. I'm super grateful but it is a constant struggle not to be depressed by the fact that my sister is achieving the exact same thing as us but in a much easier way...because she decided years ago to move in with my dad so she wouldn't have to pay any rent or mortgage and could easily save for her house/land. And every time they need something that's more than they want to pay, my dad either provides it or helps them pay for it. Things are falling into their lap left and right and her husband is retiring early in a month because he's much older than she is and doesn't want to work or have to commute to the country. Every time we're all together he seeks out my husband, who is working long hours and overtime every week to pay for what we need, and will be commuting an hour and a half once we live out there, to excitedly tell him about how he's gonna get to spend all his time with his family and never have to drive anywhere, etc... My husband and I pray very hard to let that go and be grateful for what we have even though we have to work so much harder for it. We know God is taking care of us. It's just so hard to get rid of the feelings that creep up constantly of wondering why God lets things be so much harder for us while everything is handed smoothly to my sister's family. My poor husband is struggling the most with this because he already battles with wondering if God truly loves him. He feels that God favors others over us. We both know that's not true and it's just feelings, but we need prayer, please. We need more grace or something to rise above these feelings. Every time we've worked it all out and offered it all to God, we get a new announcement from my sister's family about something they just got way easier than us. We really really wish we were saints and could just immediately be genuinely happy for them and not care that it's harder for us lol. Do you think God will grant us that if we keep asking?
Getting the short end of the stick multiple times in life is a mark that you are loved by the Lord. Don’t ask me how I know this. I just end up praying, Lord, I just got the short end of the stick again. Help me.
It is not easy for you. But I know you are a good person. You have a family with young children and baby, trying to battle against illnesses and all that. I take my hat off to you and those like you. It has not gone un-noticed here and I am sure not by God either. Try not to compare yourself with others. You are doing wonderfully and you are God's presence in the world to your children and husband. I will be praying for you. It is very hard to pick up our crosses but we must do so. I am sure with God's help and our prayers you will escape to the countryside in due course.
It’s very hard when one’s parents seem to have a favourite child and don’t go out of the way to hide it. Cost me a lot of anguish but in the end I did overcome my resentment. The Lord helped me greatly in this. I will keep you in my prayers because I know how hard it is when people you have always loved don’t seem to reciprocate as much. Jesus was rejected and abused and it broke his heart. Your life is tough now, with very small children and tight finances. It will not always be like this. ‘Cast all your cares on him for he cares for you’.
God grants us what we need, not what we want. As good people do with their own children. Hard times are not a sure Sign that God has forgotten us but that we have His attention. No rain, no flowers. But praying for a little sunshine to bring those flowers on. St Joseph is always a good turn to for such things.
I can sympathise with your feelings. I am now a grandmother and I can tell you life is all swings and roundabouts. You are struggling now and everything looks good for your sister and her family but life has ups and downs for everyone. In the early years of my marriage I was envious of my brother in law and his wife. At that time I wouldn't have admitted I was envious but that was it. Everything seemed to go there way. I realised that it was all getting to me so one day I decided to start praying for them and thanking God for blessing them. I adopted that attitudes whenever I felt any way upset about how things were going in my life. It helped me big time. Before that my sister in law and myself were not friends but our relationship improved immensely. Over the years she faced many difficulties including her marriage almost breaking down due to another woman in her husband's life. I became the shoulder she cried on. Things are going OK for her now. They are still a lot better off financially than us. That's OK. I am happy for them and glad that they have survived in their marriage. I pray blessings for them every day. God has given me everything I need even though I didn't always see it at the time. I hope this helps. Don't be hard on yourself. You are a great mother. You love your children above everything. It's a very demanding role. If you could be part of a mother and baby group it might be helpful. It's good to talk to other mother's and get perspective. I will keep you in my prayers.
Am so sorry you are having to deal with all this on your plate. It sounds like you may be getting attacked by the devil. Especially how your sister keeps getting the dreams you two are working so hard for and without much effort. It is his way of rubbing in that you are not yet where you want to be in life, and distracting you from the amazing gifts you already have. When I was young and trying to get pregnant with my husband, we also were dreaming of a country home. I had the decor and garden all planned, and could almost see the wonderful holidays we would have there with family and friends, my horses (that I was boarding some where else at the time) right out my window at our new place......We made an offer that was accepted on a beautiful old 80 acre farm and I was ecstatic! Two nights later the owner committed suicide, and the place went into a long probate, cancelling the sale for the time being. After a few months, I found out my husband was having an affair, and he left. I never did have that baby or any children at all. Being validly married I was never able to start again so the whole plan I had dreamed of for my life was over. It seemed like everyone around me was happily married with children and buying or building new homes, and I couldn't help but be envious sometimes. Basically everyone but me was living the dream I always wanted. BUT, I ended up seeing the Lord! I ended up going back to Confession and Mass! I ended up finding an even better dream and life even though I was alone here on earth. So don't despair if the world doesn't seem fair and you are seemingly just spinning your wheels. That is what the devil wants. You have a husband, a home, children, faith. Those are such huge blessings already that need to be savored in each moment. I it's easier said than done, but you have such great faith I know you will be very happy again whatever happens. Just ask the Blessed Virgin each day to guide you, and all will be well. Hugs!
PF, I just opened the book, Our Lady’s Message of Mercy To The World - and this quote jumped at me. “My little one, there is no place in the whole world where you will find true happiness, only with me in heaven.” Just surrender to God all your insecurities, let Him take charge. Ask Our Blessed Mother to defend you.
Oh wow, this was humbling to hear. You have great faith to recover so well from such hardships! Thank you for sharing that with me.
I will indeed do this, thank you! It sounds wonderful to just let Him take charge. Sometimes I need to consciously do that and just let go.
Thank you. I do think a lot of my insecurities in life have stemmed from being constantly unfavorably compared to my more favored siblings...but on my better days I thank God for this because it always drove me straight into God's arms, Who was all I had.
Maryrose nails it PF. Life is all swings and roundabouts. I have had so many similar struggles when I was a young mother. Three children in 5 years. A very busy husband working during the day and often at meetings at night.( high school principal) And sometimes away on weekends for conferences. What saved me was faith for sure but also other young mothers in the same straits more or less. Such friendships are so necessary. We would get together and the kids could play and we could visit! It relieves a lot of stress Gosh I too suffered envy. My MIL liked my SIL and didn't seem to like me. I resented it and it affected my relationship with my SIL in the early years. We were struggling so hard financially in those early years and I felt our MIL should do more for us. God mercifully delivered me from that awful sin. And there is no one I admire more than my SIL--the most generous giving person on earth. The devil messes with us. We have to realize the source and start the blessing prayers and the gratitude prayers.. I wish I had learned this sooner. I wasted years being prickly toward my MIL. I hope she has forgiven me and I will see her in heaven. What I can tell you is this. It will all work out. It will. The days will start to fly and they will be young adults just like the song from Fiddler on the Roof--Sunrise Sunset. Try to enjoy them--even the scary moments and frustrated moments. It is gone so quickly. Just love and enjoy it as much as you can God is blessing you abundantly even though the wrapping on the gift looks more like a rummage sale somtimesLOL. As Padraig says these troubles mean God is watching you and teaching you how to develop your spiritual muscles. This is your way to heaven and He has mapped out every step. I recently red a commentary in Magnificat magazine by a religious--priest or nun--cant remember talking about how John recognized Jesus after the Resurrection when he and Peter and the others had gone back to fishing. He cried out "Its the Lord!" And immediately swam to shore. Why didn't the others recognize Him right away? Well John spent more time with Him and knew Him much better. The author says we must learn to recognize everything that happens to us good and bad as coming from God's hand and always say "It is the Lord!" And run to Him. I think you are doing so well in the midst of great difficulty. Be easy on yourself. Jesus and Mary are with you. And it will get better! You are definitely in my prayers. I remember those days so well. "Been there. Done that. Got the t shirt!"
