I am off work for a few days for Easter and so have had more time for praying. I was walking along the river this afternoon praying away when a feeling of longing and pain came to me, that I haven't felt for a long time so strongly; its as the psalmist says: Psalm 42 Longing for God and His Help in Distress To the leader. A Maskil of the Korahites. 1As a deer longs for flowing streams, so my soul longs for you, O God. 2My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When shall I come and behold the face of God? Or as Saint Augustine said , "Great art Thou, O Lord, and greatly to be praised; great is Thy power, and of Thy wisdom there is no end. And man, being a part of Thy creation, desires to praise Thee, man, who bears about with him his mortality, the witness of his sin, even the witness that Thou "resistest the proud, " - yet man, this part of Thy creation, desires to praise Thee. Thou movest us to delight in praising Thee; for Thou hast formed us for Thyself, and our hearts are restless till they find rest in Thee. Lord, teach me to know and understand which of these should be first, to call on Thee, or to praise Thee; and likewise to know Thee, or to call upon Thee. Oh! how shall I find rest in Thee? Who will send Thee into my heart to inebriate it, that I may forget my woes, and embrace Thee my only good? What art Thou to me? Have compassion on me, that I may speak. What am I to Thee that Thou demandest my love, and unless I give it Thee art angry, and threatenest me with great sorrows? Is it, then, a light sorrow not to love Thee? Alas! alas! tell me of Thy compassion, O Lord my God, what Thou art to me. "Say unto my soul, I am thy salvation." So speak that I may hear. Behold, Lord, the ears of my heart are before Thee; open Thou them, and "say unto my soul, I am thy salvation." When I hear, may I run and lay hold on Thee. Hide not Thy face from me. Let me die, lest I die, if only I may see Thy face." St. Augustine of Hippo, Confessions, 1,1.5 'Thou hast formed us for Thyself, and our hearts are restless till they find rest in Thee....' how true. Saint Paul said something similar, he said that, Philippians 1:21 For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. Maybe Saint Teresa of Avila says it best, she said that, 'Life is like a night spent in a bad hotel'. Thats not to say I don't appreciate life, I do, in fact the older I get the more rich it becomes, like a fine wine. But Jesus told us the Kingdom of God is within. Its like a mustard seed, tiny and grows into a tree large enough that the birds of the air can come and shelter in its branches. "And he said. 'With what can we compare the kingdom of God? It is like a grain of mustard seed, which, when sown upon the ground, is the smallest of all the seeds on earth; yet when it is sown it grows up and becomes the greatest of all shrubs, and puts forth large branches, so that the birds of the air can make nests in its shade.'" Mk 4.30-32 (compare Mt 13.31f; Lk 13.18f; read also Ps 103.19-22) mustard tree This process of the pilgrim path of prayer can be very painful, we realise more and more that this is not our true home, but that heaven is and we long, like the deer to enter in and see the face of God. But we also know that no one can see the face of God and live (Ex 33:20-23) and that only, “the upright will contemplate his face” (Psalm 11:7). But we are promised that one day the shadow of this presnt life will pass; “And we, [unlike Moses, whose transformation was passing] with our unveiled faces reflecting like mirrors the brightness of the Lord, all grow brighter and brighter as we are turned into the image that we reflect: this is the work of the Lord who is Spirit” (2 Cor. 3:18). I like the way Saint John of the Cross speaks of this on prayer. He compares us to little birds, tied down to the ground by many ropes. One by one prayer severs these ropes so that the little bird draws nearer to the time when it can fly away. However he warns that if even one little hair of rope still holds the bird it cannot take flight. I notice in the readings at funerals there is a passage from the Book of Wisdom that is often read out at the funerals for young people. It speaks of young souls sometimes being brought to perfection early and thus plucked and harvested and brought home to God. Still the longing for God , though painful is very,very sweet. 4:10 He pleased God, and was beloved of him: so that living among sinners he was translated. 4:11 Yea speedily was he taken away, lest that wickedness should alter his understanding, or deceit beguile his soul. 4:12 For the bewitching of naughtiness doth obscure things that are honest; and the wandering of concupiscence doth undermine the simple mind. 4:13 He, being made perfect in a short time, fulfilled a long time: 4:14 For his soul pleased the Lord: therefore hasted he to take him away from among the wicked.
