When I have a problem or am confused about something or need help with something, like all Practicing Catholics I take it to God in prayer. But I was thinking the other night about how God answers us. As a general rule the Good Lord does not answer in a kind of technical or specific way (though He can do so if He takes the notion). So if, say I have a big problem with someone at work He will perhaps point out the huge need to pray for the person over an extended period, how to have patience and endure and offer it all up. This, rather than at once solve things like a Magic Marker. One thing He is good at is at pointing out my own faults that may have helped contribute to the situation in the first place. I think this relates to the Gift of the Holy Spirit called , 'Counsel' and also, 'Wisdom'. The way we look at thing is not the way God looks at things. The way God looks at things is Spiritual were our eyes are much more grounded in the material. So it can look as if God does not care. But He does care ,very deeply. But what the Good God cares deeply about healing and fixing are the essential things. While we tend,very often to look at the non essential.
I was watching a wonderful film on Amazon the other night called, 'Amish Grace'. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amish_Grace When a group of Amish schoolgirls are taken hostage and killed in their classroom, their parents and the Amish community of Nickel Mines, Pennsylvania, stun the outside world by immediately forgiving the killer. Ida Graber (Kimberly Williams-Paisley), mother of one of the murdered children, has a tougher time than the others accepting the tragedy, but in her anguish and pain, she begins a personal journey of renewed faith, ultimately accepting the heart-wrenching tragedy of losing a child after learning that her murdered daughter, Mary Beth Graber, had promised to pray for the perpetrator before her death; reconnecting with her husband (Matt Letscher), family, and community; offering forgiveness to the killer; and even showing kindness and compassion to the killer's widow (Tammy Blanchard) and children — all in the form of Amish grace. The film was dedicated in memory of the victims of the West Nickel Mines School shooting.
The little Amish community suffered at the murder of five little girls in a mass shooting. They showed a level of forgiveness which astonished the entire world. But one mother could not forgive, though her husband did so and did so at once. At one point she asked her husband why God had allowed it to happen and her husband replied that He did not know. This in one sense is correct. We often do not know why bad things happen to good people, including innocent children. But in another sense we do have an answer. God , although He is all powerful has His Hands tied in Chains of Gold. What are these Chains? The fact that He has given us Free Will to do either good or to do evil. Why did He give us Free Will? Because love cannot be forced. In order that we might Freely Love God had to bind Himself in Golden Chains and that is why bad things (in a general sense) happen. Love cannot be forced. But it is not God who does chooses to do Evil things. It is we who freely choose to do so. None of this is in anyway God's fault. Sometimes though , if He chooses to do so can indeed reveal specific reasons why things happen. One time , for instance, Padre Pio's Sacristan asked the old saint that he be cured of his blindness. To which Padre Pio replied, 'You can be cured of your blindness and go to hell or you can keep your blindness and get to heaven'. So of course the poor man choose to stay blind.
Getting to Church last night I found they had placed a large Cross on the Altar. What surprised me though was that the Cross was made up of two large pieces of tree, just as you find them in a forest. Large enough on which to hang a man. I had gotten used to Crucifix's and crosses were the wood was worked and planed. Here was wood in its raw state. On thinking about it that was the way it must have been. Why would they bother planing or working wood which was used to simply kill someone? It shocked a little. For the first few centuries of the Church there was no images of the Cross anywhere. It was just too shocking for everyone that Jesus should have died, naked and hung on a tree like a common slave. It was really and truly a Sign of Contradiction, a huge scandal, a collossal shocker. We have lost this. The Mystics who witnessed the Passion in prayer tells us it was a real horror picture. The film, 'The Passion of the Christ', comes closest in that it is based on the mystical visions of Blessed Catherine Emmerich. But even then it is sanitised. The priest in his homily said of Passion Week that it is ever old, ever new. So true. I feel in a way like I am entering it all for the first time. A good Sign. 'Mine were the sins He endured'. The finger of accusation keeps pointing back to me. I would love to blame the Pharisees and Sadducees and Romans for everything. But my ruthless old conscience keeps blaming me. Jesus Christ, Son of God, have Mercy on me, a sinner.
I fell asleep yesterday afternoon for a good two hours and was surprised how deep it was; out for the count. I must be getting old, those seven days at night in the hospital took there toll. Then again I notice people much, much younger than me look like they have been run over by a tank, which cheers me up a load. One of them told me that when he got home from long shifts he collapsed in bed without taking off his clothes and slept ten hours solid. This delights me as I have never been that badly of. Got to mass last night, the vigil mass for Saturday. The Church was packed, although it was just a Friday Night and packed. They were doing the public stations of the Cross with a ll the bells books and candles. A joy, I have not witnessed this since I was very young. The Latin Chants were lovely. I was still tired and lent against a wall for support. I am afraid I was not very enthusiastic though very pleased to be there. The attitude of the people was very touching. They did things as though they really, really meant it. Totally involved. For my part, I am afraid I was so tired I felt like a spectator. But I hope God made allowances. At the end of Mass a young lady handed me a mysterious vial containing scented oils. I believe it is a mystical recipe to ward off the virus, I believe I made some myself at the start of the plague. At the end of the Mass I noticed how close these people have become to each other; that they have formed a real Traditional Community, a kind of Family. This bodes well for the Chastisements to come. Also their great, great joy and Peace; a sure sign of the Presence of the Holy Spirit. I am still very much a loner with no great push to stand and chat. Is this a good thing or a bad thing? Well God's children are all made differently. I have always been a loner since childhood and I am not going to change anytime soon. But it is wonderful to see others form such deep bonds. Of now to Saturday Devotions. These Traditional Rites last yonks and yonks. When I converted years and years ago I would have loved the length of such things. I could have sat all day in a Church. Nowadays I am much more into personal prayer, alone walking in the middle of nowhere. But it Holy Week dawning. I am off work and will make the bigger effort. It greatly cheers me up to watch these people however. A source of great joy. If every Parish in the World did things like they do, I suspect the Chastisement would never, ever happen. Really wonderful Catholics. But I am afraid I feel a little like the Spectator or guest at the Feast. Their thoughts are, I suspect , often not my thoughts, nor my ways, theirs. A for instance, I am very fond of the New Mass too.
