I have been writing for a long time to a poor soul who is in Great Darkness and Suffering. I don't know if it helped him much but tonight I wrote to him that the Fire of God's Love Burns like a Furnace in my heart. It blazes with such intensity it actually hurts and I must be careful not to stoke it up to much in case it becomes such an ecstasy of joy that it becomes and agony. I remember years and years ago when If first started the way of Prayer it was as though my heart was being pierced with spears of love to such an extent that they used to throw me to the ground. It was as though my own heart was on fire. It reminded me of the Prophet Isaiah: Isaiah 6:7 …6Then one of the seraphim flew to me, and in his hand was a glowing coal that he had taken with tongs from the altar. 7And with it he touched my mouth and said: “Now that this has touched your lips, your iniquity is removed and your sin is atoned for.” Or again the words of Saint Teresa: "I saw an angel appear in bodily form close by my left side ... He was not large, but small, and extremely beautiful. His face was aflame with fire so much that he appeared to be one of the highest ranks of angels, those that we call seraphim or cherubim. Their names, angels never tell me, but I'm well aware that in heaven there are great differences between different types of angels, though I can't explain it." "In his hands, I saw a golden spear, with an iron tip at the end that appeared to be on fire. He plunged it into my heart several times, all the way to my entrails. When he drew it out, he seemed to draw them out, as well, leaving me all on fire with love for God." "The pain was so strong that it made me moan several times, and yet the sweetness of the pain was so surpassing that I couldn't possibly wish to be rid of it. My soul couldn't be content with anything but God. It wasn't a physical pain, but a spiritual one, even though my body did feel it considerably[...] This pain lasted many days, and during that time, I didn't want to see or speak to anyone, but only to cherish my pain, which gave me a greater bliss than any created things could give me." "So gentle yet powerful is this wooing that takes places between God and the soul that if anyone thinks I'm lying, I pray that God, in his goodness, will grant him or her some experience of it." But it seems to me that before the morning must come the Night. ..and the Greater the Darkness, the Greater the Light. ..and the greatest Light of all is the Gentle Darkness. The Moonlight of God's Love. To experience the full Force of God's Love in it's gentle, apparent, absence. God in the ordinary. God in the everyday. God in the pots and pans, the joyful housework. God in the smile of a child. God in the wag of a dog's tail. God in the sisters and brothers we see in Church. God in the everyday. The loving furnace of the every moment. "Behold the Heart which has so loved men that it has spared nothing, even to exhausting and consuming Itself, in order to testify Its love … But what I feel most keenly is that it is hearts which are consecrated to Me, that treat Me thus. Therefore, I ask of you that the Friday after the Octave of Corpus Christi be set apart for a special Feast to honor My Heart, by communicating on that day, and making reparation to It by a solemn act, in order to make amends for the indignities which It has received during the time It has been exposed on the altars. I promise you that My Heart shall expand Itself to shed in abundance the influence of Its Divine Love upon those who shall thus honor It, and cause It to be honored."
I find in these my later years I have to be a little careful when I think of God. I really believe if I were to look too directly at the face of His love that I would die of joy. So I kind of put on sunglasses in prayer. I stand in Darkness at the Foot of the Cross. It is was said of Mary that the thought of the Passion was never out of her heart and mind. We are never closer to Jesus than when we stand at the Foot of the Cross gazing upwards.
I was very .very tired indeed last night. I am doing 8 night shifts in a row and am getting a little old for it, which is why I am retiring in January. Anyway my head dropped and I held it up with my hand. Suddenly I felt Jesus say, 'My little one, I know, I love you' and the hand on my head became His hand for a few moments. It was very touching.
St Teresa How beautiful her description. Love.God. The pain of love. Haunting us pursuing us. Our poor hearts so weak and wretched yet love seeks and overwhelms us. To express love in privacy of my inner being leads to moments of can I even say ecstasy? Am I deluded indeed lost in fanciful wandering? My whole being is filled yet I remain a single particle of dust simply refelecting this glorious light that radiates the shimmering diamond that is love. Pain and suffering in ordinary life is simply outside not within. I see now as it is but am filled by a promise of what will be. Heaven. Angels illuminate my prayer I see but yet do not. Nothing corporal all is within. God leads to our embrace of nothingness. I am not. No one indeed ash. Within this jewel that is priceless I have found him. He loves us.
I was responding to padraigs post on St Teresa. I was moved to share my inner thoughts. Forgive me if unclear. My own journey and the story I suppose of my soul.
For me I am in a place of darkness and can see no light. Sometimes in prayer I feel something touching my heart, like a love of God Jesus and Mary but then it goes away. I keep telling Jesus I love Him and I go to mass regularly including weekdays
In prayer I feel something touching my heart and giving me hope and then that hope is taken away. Sometimes I think it is a punishment that I am given hope and then it is taken away. I keep telling Jesus and God that I love them anyway.
I dont know if there is much more I can do to regain Gods love. When I read scripture lately all I see is unpleasant stuff that I think is directed at me. I wish God would show me mercy
You have the love of God Sanctus. You do not need to regain it. It is with you now, upholding you and carrying you and keeping you faithful in spite of the darkness. How sweet those acts of love are to Our Lord coming as they are from darkness and dryness. St Therese knows what you are going through. She went through it until her death. It pleased Our Lord to let her share His desolation. She made acts of faith and love and hope with no consolations. None. Utter darkness. No sense if God even being real. Padre Pio went through a time of desolation believing he was damned and yet loving Jesus in spite of his terrible darkness. I believe both these saints are in your corner praying for you. They have walked this path. So has Mother Teresa of Calcutta.
Thanks AED. I hope I haven't committed an unforgivable sin like blasphemy. If I did I didn't realise it and am sorry. I keep telling Jesus that I love him with all my strength and am sorry.
'The transverberation is a mystical grace wherein the Saint's heart was pierced with a “dart of love” by an angel. St. John of the Cross writes that “It will happen that while the soul is inflamed with the Love of God, it will feel that a seraph is assailing it by means of an arrow or dart which is all afire with love.' https://launcestoncarmel.com/sharing-the-word/transverberation It is so strange but sometimes these pains to the heart are actually physical. For instance in the case of St Phillip Neri he spoke of his heart as being on fire and pierced. In actual fact his heart was physically pierced , because after he died they inspected his heart and and found it physically enlarged and pierced. Which is quite something. Also in the case of Padre Pio. He speaks of a physical piercing of his heart and he actually had a wound on his side. Blood came from his mouth. This is described here:
https://aleteia.org/2021/05/26/the-astonishing-miracle-of-st-philip-neris-enlarged-heart/ The astonishing miracle of St. Philip Neri’s enlarged heart An autopsy confirmed that St. Philip Neri's heart was physically enlarged after receiving the gifts of the Holy Spirit. The life of St. Philip Neri is full of miracles, and one that has become famous over the years concerns his heart. He felt his heart grow bigger one day, and after his death this was confirmed. According to the Catholic Encyclopedia, the miracle occurred shortly before the feast of Pentecost. [A] few days before Pentecost in 1544, the well-known miracle of his heart took place. Bacci describes it thus: “While he was with the greatest earnestness asking of the Holy Ghost, His gifts, there appeared to him a globe of fire, which entered into his mouth and lodged in his breast; and thereupon he was suddenly surprised with such a fire of love, that, unable to bear it, he threw himself on the ground, and, like one trying to cool himself, bared his breast to temper in some measure the flame which he felt. When he had remained so for some time, and was a little recovered, he rose up full of unwonted joy, and immediately all his body began to shake with a violent tremour; and putting his hand to his bosom, he felt by the side of his heart, a swelling about as big as a man’s fist, but neither then nor afterwards was it attended with the slightest pain or wound.” For the rest of his life St. Philip Neri was fueled by an intense divine love and possessed a joy that was contagious. While typically these types of experiences remain in the spiritual realm, it was later confirmed that his heart did in fact grow larger. The cause of this swelling was discovered by the doctors who examined his body after death. The saint’s heart had been dilated under the sudden impulse of love, and in order that it might have sufficient room to move, two ribs had been broken, and curved in the form of an arch. From the time of the miracle till his death, his heart would palpitate violently whenever he performed any spiritual action. The autopsy confirmed this story from his life and was an added impetus to his eventual canonization. It is an astonishing miracle, one that highlights the power of God’s love and how the gifts of the Holy Spirit can truly set us on fire, helping us spread love everywhere we go.
You have NOT committed an unforgivable sin. You are not hard of heart. You are repentant and you love Jesus and Mary. You are in a crucible right now--the refiners fire. But Our Lady and her divine Son know very well that you love them. Believe me Our Lady would show you if you had a sin you needed to confess--if you ask her she will show you. As Our Mother of Sorrows she reads our hearts. "Your own heart a sword will pierce so that the thoughts of many will be made plain." She can help us. Keep getting to Holy Mass and frequent confession if you can. It will strengthen you for the battle. We are all in the battle in one form or another. Each of us. Hold on. (A word I believe was given to me a few weeks ago at adoration. We must all keep holding on to Jesus and His Church because it is really getting rough out there).
A beautiful incident this evening. I was walking the dog before work, a lovely Autumn Evening with the Nights closing in. I called into Our Lady's Grotto as I usually do to say a, 'Hail Mary' and to say, 'Hi'. I was tired and rushing it a bit and so my initial, 'Hail Mary' was a bit curt and soulless. My Guardian Angel reproached me for this and reminded me that I should act as if I was offering a bunch of beautiful flowers to the Queen of Heaven, to treat her with respect. That my 'Hail Mary' left a lot to be desired. I was irritated at this and reminded that the angel that while he was in heaven and things were a lot easier I was stuck down here on Earth and whilst he could always see the Queen Face to Face I could not. To cut me a bit of slack. To which he mildly replied that he was only telling me these things for my own good. My Angel Guardian is certainly not Irish, he knows well how to keep his temper in check. Whereas I do not. But it seems to me Angels can be more patient when there is more time to fix things. If I had been destined to die younger I think he would have been a bit more sharp. He puts up with a lot.
Telling what you "feel" is not anything like blasphemy, Sanctus. What appears to be happening from my viewpoint (correct me if I'm wrong) is that you are easily weighed down by what you perceive are your failures, and your hope for a persistent turn around never seems to materialize. The devil, in turn, tempts you to despair and believe God has left you. Perhaps another misplaced perception of yours is that the rest of us on MOG have our act together! We all fall short of the mark. I fall short of the mark. Like you, I sin and am in need of the Lord's Mercy! We are all in the same boat, Sanctus. We are taking in the waters of our sins, but when we cry out to Jesus, He saves us! We're in the boat together, Peter. You are never alone! Mark 4:35 On that day, when evening had come, he said to them, “Let us go across to the other side.” 36 And leaving the crowd, they took him with them, just as he was, in the boat. And other boats were with him. 37 And a great storm of wind arose, and the waves beat into the boat, so that the boat was already filling. 38 But he was in the stern, asleep on the cushion; and they woke him and said to him, “Teacher, do you not care if we perish?” 39 And he awoke and rebuked the wind, and said to the sea, “Peace! Be still!” And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm. 40 He said to them, “Why are you afraid? Have you no faith?” 41 And they were filled with awe, and said to one another, “Who then is this, that even wind and sea obey him?” I urge you to stop thinking the worst which are the lies of the enemy! Let the Peace of His Mercy wash over you, Peter. Hear his words:“Peace! Be still!”
